There are things you take for granted. Like companionship. Having someone by your side. Sometimes you don't even need to talk. Knowing that you have someone is comforting enough. Only that you didn't know what you felt was comfort until you kind of lose it.
I remember years ago when my good friend Yatt asked my opinion about marriage. I told her that if she were to get married, it must be for the right reasons. And I asked her what her reason was. She said having someone in her life. It can be really lonely, she said. I said fair enough. But I guess I didn't really gave her a good piece of advice at that time. I remembered that I said, she doesn't need to be married to be happy. Because marriage doesn't guarantee happiness. I was having a rough time then. I am so glad she took the plunge and got married.
I'm the only married one in my Group Suka Hati. I envy them at first. They can go anywhere they want, anytime they want. But after some time, I realise that they still seek for that companionship. That perhaps one day each of them will find her Mr Right and get married. This time around, I kept my opinion to myself.
And now, when Hubbs is not around, full-time I mean, I guess I'm beginning to understand. It's not really the intimacy I must say, though that's the plus point (oh blush blush...), it's the feeling of safety and comfort of having someone you love with you. Sometimes you feel your emotion gets really bottled up inside you and the only thing you want to do is to blurt it out to someone. Just talk and have someone listen. Or rather, just to have someone cuddle you and sit without talking.
These few weeks things did get bottled up inside me. Maybe that's why I need that 30-minute of morning me time to just run and inhale fresh cool air. Before I start my day doing the routines of being a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, an employee... I guess the sweat that I shed in a way replaces the tears that I always feel just hanging there waiting for the right time to break.
I pray I'm given the strength. And I pray Allah bestow upon me the sense of "ikhlas" in everything that I do.
It's Saturday tomorrow. I can start my jog perhaps 15 minutes earlier. I hope the weather is good tomorrow.
I remember years ago when my good friend Yatt asked my opinion about marriage. I told her that if she were to get married, it must be for the right reasons. And I asked her what her reason was. She said having someone in her life. It can be really lonely, she said. I said fair enough. But I guess I didn't really gave her a good piece of advice at that time. I remembered that I said, she doesn't need to be married to be happy. Because marriage doesn't guarantee happiness. I was having a rough time then. I am so glad she took the plunge and got married.
I'm the only married one in my Group Suka Hati. I envy them at first. They can go anywhere they want, anytime they want. But after some time, I realise that they still seek for that companionship. That perhaps one day each of them will find her Mr Right and get married. This time around, I kept my opinion to myself.
And now, when Hubbs is not around, full-time I mean, I guess I'm beginning to understand. It's not really the intimacy I must say, though that's the plus point (oh blush blush...), it's the feeling of safety and comfort of having someone you love with you. Sometimes you feel your emotion gets really bottled up inside you and the only thing you want to do is to blurt it out to someone. Just talk and have someone listen. Or rather, just to have someone cuddle you and sit without talking.
These few weeks things did get bottled up inside me. Maybe that's why I need that 30-minute of morning me time to just run and inhale fresh cool air. Before I start my day doing the routines of being a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, an employee... I guess the sweat that I shed in a way replaces the tears that I always feel just hanging there waiting for the right time to break.
I pray I'm given the strength. And I pray Allah bestow upon me the sense of "ikhlas" in everything that I do.
It's Saturday tomorrow. I can start my jog perhaps 15 minutes earlier. I hope the weather is good tomorrow.
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