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Showing posts from September, 2005

It's Hubby's Birthday Today

Today is my hubby's birthday. I'm 10 days older than him. Yesterday I took Sarah to buy my hubby a birthday cake. I told her that it will be a surprise. I plan to celebrate near midnight, making us the first to wish him a happy birthday. Sarah was so excited and couldn't wait for her Abah to come home. I also got her a blue party hat, just to get into the mood.

So, when her Abah reached home around 8pm, she took the party hat, wore it and rushed to the door. It was a really funny moment and I knew Sarah would blew it because she just couldn't contain her excitement. Her Abah asked at the door where she got the hat. She told him Mummy bought it for her at the cake shop (she was jumping up and down!). Her Abah asked again what was she doing at a cake shop. And she said to buy a birthday cake for Abah because it's Abah's birthday and all. She suddenly stopped talking and then breathlessly said, "Surprise!!!".

She was so funny. And really made her Abah'…

Less Trust But Same Kind of Love

I confronted, talked a little and made up. Sometimes I hate myself for being so trusting. And so nice. But I thought long about it. I have Sarah to think of. Whatever decisions I make, Sarah must be my upmost importance. I wish her to have a good life having both parents by her side, loving and caring for her. So, whatever wild ideas I had in my mind, I casted them aside. Sarah is my priority in life. And he is such a good father.

Yes, I trust him less now, but I know he loves me so very much. And I love him the same. There are things I would like to change and I will take charge. But nothing that will jeopardize this little family of mine. I have found myself a soulmate and it's such a loss if I were to lose him. It's almost 14 years now of knowing him and I can't imagine life without him. Yes, he is not perfect, neither do I. We have put up with each other for so long, we will put up with each other for years to come.

When One is Betrayed

Betrayal. Such a strong word. But that's exactly how I felt. Betrayed. I wonder what I did to deserve it. I thought I've given all I can - my efforts, my time, my thoughts, my money, my support... Everything I can ever offer. I even resigned to give way for him to move on to the next level. So that I won't stand in the way of him achieving success. That's how much sacrifice I have made. But still it doesn't seem enough. Still I was betrayed.

I can list out the events. I don't like digging out the past. But if I were to list them all, no sane person would give him a second chance. The numerous times he has betrayed me. The ones I know, aware of, stumbled upon... There may be more hiding inside his closet. The ones I have yet to discover. The ones I might not even discover. I hope I won't find them. It will just hurt me more.

Things might look too monetary, materialistic. If I were to bring it up, that's exactly what he would say. It's about money. No, …

It Was My Birthday Yesterday

It was my 34th birthday yesterday. Compared to previous years, it was a very low-key event, if I can even call it event. Nothing much. Not many wishes as my handphone went down the toilet and sent for repair. So, I didn't get any SMS.

However, there's something I realised this year that made it, I believe the most memorable birthday so far. Normally, if one celebrates a birthday, the birthday boy or girl will be celebrated - lunch, dinner, party, cakes, presents... But nobody would remember the person who gave birth to that celebrated person - the mother! It's the mother who should be celebrated. She's the one who endured the pains and sufferings of pregnancy and child-birth.

Yesterday evening when I picked up Sarah, I told my mother I was going to my brother, Angah's house as he bought us a cake. (Both of us share birthday you see.) My mother gave me a blank look. She was holding this tupperware of some chicken and beef she bought for me at the pasar malam. She didn…

She Wants Shoes with Heels

We went shopping for Sarah's shoes yesterday. Her sports shoes have become a bit tight. She also doesn't own any girlish kind of shoes. Need something suitable for her dresses and skirts.

All these while hubby and me always buy her the practical kind of shoes or slippers - the ones with rubber soles. Such shoes normally don't look very nice, but they ensure Sarah doesn't fall or slip. So, yesterday we selected, again, "our" kind of shoes. There're these Dunlop sandals which look nice in jeans and can also be worn for her driving range sessions. She tried them on but she doesn't really look happy. OK, she said "Tak cantik!". Then she selected one of those girlish slippers with a bit of heels. She said she wants slippers that make sounds. She might look cute in one of those, but they don't look so stable when she walk in them. But then we realised that she has grown and being a girl it's just natural she would want those kind of slipper…

My Favourite Poem

Here's my favourite poem, something I can always relate to everytime I make decisions, especially the ones I wonder in the end whether I had made the right decision. Then, if the decision sucks, I can always make it look good - that I took the road less travelled by!

The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all th…

LOTR: One of Her Favourite Movies

Parents always underestimate their kids. I'm sure every one of us has experienced this before. I remember my mother told my elder brother to tell me (she didn't want to tell me herself) not to go to a camping trip because she said I am "lembik" and wouldn't survive the hardship. And I remember my father told me to get myself a job as a lecturer because he didn't think I can get a better job elsewhere in this dog-eat-dog corporate world. I proved them wrong. Not only I went to that camping trip to Pulau Rebak, Langkawi where I experienced one of most memorable time of my life where I almost lost 2 friends (they almost drowned!), I discovered that I am the kind of person who can achieve things if I set my mind to it. Two friends almost drowned, the rest of the team floated to sea because the strong current pulled them out and amazingly I was the only one who managed to get myself back to the beach. How? Beats me. I only remembered struggling, and kicking until …

Making a Choice

As my childhood was a bit blur, I can't really remember whether I was given the opportunity or even "luxury" of making choices. I think decisions were always being shoved into my face - right till which university and course I was to enroll. I would very much like Sarah to be able to make her own decisions or choices, with us her parents giving guidance.

I always ask her what she wants to eat or drink, getting her to make her own choice, having her own say. If we go out shopping, she gets to choose what clothes she would like to buy, the colour, the style... That explains the stacks of T shirts and pants in her drawer - she doesn't like girlish dresses even though I'm always dying to buy her.

Anyway, still on the topic, I'm fasting today and don't feel like going through the one-hour journey to work. The moment Sarah woke up, the first thing she said was: "Mummy pilih - hari ni Mummy nak kerja ke, nak cuti". She wanted me to make a choice and the …

Another Book: Woman in White

This is a classic. Never thought I would pick up a classic after 10 years of leaving university. But there were these rows and rows of classic books on sale at MPH and at that moment of time I suddenly felt like reliving the old days. It proved to be an interesting book albeit the language and style of writing. Language is still OK, but the style needed a bit of time to get used to. It was written by Wilkie Collins (I think he was a lawyer or something) and he experimented this style where the characters of the book narrated the accounts of the story. Like I said, it needed some time to get used to the style and after some time it actually became interesting.

The story was a bit complicated about a woman named Laura Fairlie who was forced to marry this villain named Sir Percival who was in fact only after her money. Laura fell in love with her drawing master Walter Hartright. Then, there is Laura's half-sister Marian Halcombe who was really way, way ahead from the women at that tim…

She Loves Watching Mr Bean

Lately Sarah has this tendency to push to get what she wants by saying "Nak jugak!". Whatever reasons I try to tell her that she will not be getting something, she will insist by saying that. I know from her face she's trying this method to see if she can get whatever she wants. But sorry, that's not the way things work with me. Now, whenever she says that I will turn back and say - "OK, you will get that but no Mr Bean for the rest of the day". Obviously, Mr Bean is her first choice, so she will drop her requests.

Oh, how she loves Mr Bean the cartoon. I still can't see what so interesting about the cartoon that makes her like it so much. It's full of grumbles and roundabout ways of doing things I find really irritating. My father thinks it's good too - teaches kids on how to solve problems albeit a longer and more complicated way. So, grandfather and grand daughter both watch the cartoon 3 times a day.

However, she learned something from the car…