A few months ago, I went through a few down moments. Masa tu hati sedih sangat-sangat sebab someone mempertikaikan solat istikharah that I performed. I performed the solat because I was at a dead end. I have two "camps" - who I should believe. I am a very reasonable person, I don't go around making judgement without thinking. One night I did the solat and I cried asking Allah swt to give me some indication - and I finally had a dream 2 days later.
Anyway, the accusation really made me sad. Like my heart being torn apart. Like I am someone not worthy to be given help by Allah swt. There was even comments quoted from this ustaz (updated: someone quoted that one ustaz said based on his asking the ustaz about my solat - a true ustaz would not have remarked anything he is not sure of especially that he is reacting based on hearsay) that my prayer was not done correctly, that whatever indication I got was not from Allah swt but from my own sick heart. And my solat is wrong because Solat Istikharah is not to "minta petunjuk", it is to "buat keputusan". Who am I anyway... saya seorang yang sangat jahil. But then again, kepada siapa patut saya mengadu kalau bukan Allah swt.
It hurt me badly but I tell myself, Allah swt knows best. If I was wrong, I ask for Allah's forgiveness. Maybe I am really not worthy to be helped. I also recite Al Baatin - semoga Allah tunjukkan kebenaran.
This morning, after my Solat Dhuha, I opened my small Solat Sunat book to refer to because I wanted to perform Istikharah. There is this sebutharga we received and I wish to get a clear head whether we should participate. (Participating in a sebutharga is really hardwork without no confirmation of getting a project - if we were to work on this, there goes my weekend, and my weekend the week after next).
Subhanallah... Under Solat Sunat Istikharah it says: "...adalah solat memohon petunjuk dari Allah. Dengan kata lain memohon petunjuk tentang perkara yang menimbulkan keraguan dalam membuat sesuatu penentuan dan pilihan".
Hanya Allah yang Maha Mengetahui...
Anyway, the accusation really made me sad. Like my heart being torn apart. Like I am someone not worthy to be given help by Allah swt. There was even comments quoted from this ustaz (updated: someone quoted that one ustaz said based on his asking the ustaz about my solat - a true ustaz would not have remarked anything he is not sure of especially that he is reacting based on hearsay) that my prayer was not done correctly, that whatever indication I got was not from Allah swt but from my own sick heart. And my solat is wrong because Solat Istikharah is not to "minta petunjuk", it is to "buat keputusan". Who am I anyway... saya seorang yang sangat jahil. But then again, kepada siapa patut saya mengadu kalau bukan Allah swt.
It hurt me badly but I tell myself, Allah swt knows best. If I was wrong, I ask for Allah's forgiveness. Maybe I am really not worthy to be helped. I also recite Al Baatin - semoga Allah tunjukkan kebenaran.
This morning, after my Solat Dhuha, I opened my small Solat Sunat book to refer to because I wanted to perform Istikharah. There is this sebutharga we received and I wish to get a clear head whether we should participate. (Participating in a sebutharga is really hardwork without no confirmation of getting a project - if we were to work on this, there goes my weekend, and my weekend the week after next).
Subhanallah... Under Solat Sunat Istikharah it says: "...adalah solat memohon petunjuk dari Allah. Dengan kata lain memohon petunjuk tentang perkara yang menimbulkan keraguan dalam membuat sesuatu penentuan dan pilihan".
Hanya Allah yang Maha Mengetahui...
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