People say when you reach 40 and you still don't change (bad traits/personalities/behaviour/etc), then you will never change. The months leading to me becoming 40 last year, I became so afraid. I was afraid that I will not become a better person, or tolerable person in my old age. As human beings, we have many, many weaknesses. So, I try to change. The traits that I wish to change most is making my heart better - not to keep grudges, to be "redha" and "ikhlas", be more patient, to be positive, to see things from many point of views, etc. But change is really difficult. But I try.
One day I was researching on teaching English when I recalled something from my matriculation days. We had this Chinese grammar teacher whom I totally forgot her name. She once said - "speak in English, think in English, dream in English". At that time, when I was 18, and found that English was not as easy as learning it in school, I thought that was such a logical way of learning. That really made sense. So I tried. Speaking - so so at campus since all of us are Malays. Thinking - I tried very hard doing this, talking and reading to myself in my head. Eventually, one fine night, I dreamed in English. I woke up feeling so excited! And that was the time I thought that I can really master the language.
So, I tried this theory to make me a better person. Every time I was faced with a situation, I think hard to accept it in a good way - ikhlas and redha. One night I dreamed of going back, I met someone who started to open his mouth to insult me but I told him - "please, just stop it". I then went to the kitchen to have some food but just I was about to eat, I got distracted and went somewhere else. That person then ate my food, not even a morsel left for me. I came back, looked at the plate and told him - "it's ok, it is your rezeki, not mine".
I woke up and thought - wow, I finally dreamed of being good. I can't say I am a better person, but I have started to accept things gratefully. Little things like alhamdulillah when it rains, or when I get a parking space easily. It makes the heart feels lighter and happier.
It's not too late to change.
One day I was researching on teaching English when I recalled something from my matriculation days. We had this Chinese grammar teacher whom I totally forgot her name. She once said - "speak in English, think in English, dream in English". At that time, when I was 18, and found that English was not as easy as learning it in school, I thought that was such a logical way of learning. That really made sense. So I tried. Speaking - so so at campus since all of us are Malays. Thinking - I tried very hard doing this, talking and reading to myself in my head. Eventually, one fine night, I dreamed in English. I woke up feeling so excited! And that was the time I thought that I can really master the language.
So, I tried this theory to make me a better person. Every time I was faced with a situation, I think hard to accept it in a good way - ikhlas and redha. One night I dreamed of going back, I met someone who started to open his mouth to insult me but I told him - "please, just stop it". I then went to the kitchen to have some food but just I was about to eat, I got distracted and went somewhere else. That person then ate my food, not even a morsel left for me. I came back, looked at the plate and told him - "it's ok, it is your rezeki, not mine".
I woke up and thought - wow, I finally dreamed of being good. I can't say I am a better person, but I have started to accept things gratefully. Little things like alhamdulillah when it rains, or when I get a parking space easily. It makes the heart feels lighter and happier.
It's not too late to change.
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