Living with Sarah

If you watched Lost in Translation , here's an excerpt which really touched my heart: “ It’s the most terrifying day of your life the day the first one was born. Your life, as you know it, is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk… and you want to be with them. And they turned out to be the most delightful people you have ever met … ” It was the time Bill Murray told Scarlett Johansson about his children. So very true, only in my case I have only one kid. I now can vaguely remember my life then, when there were just the two of us – hubby and me. And from the very day my little girl was born, my life has truly changed. Interrupted sleep is almost every night… not to mention the daily heartbreaks of leaving her, worrying about her at work, all the scary whatifs… And now that she can run and really talk, yes, she actually is the most delightful person I have ever met! She makes me laugh, she makes me cry… and it’s a delight to listen to her, tryi...

Here’s a book I would very much like to tear apart and scatter the bits and pieces into the muddy Klang River . It is not even worth recycling. I bought Sidney Sheldon’s Are You Afraid of the Dark? based on sheer experience of reading his books in my early 20s. His previous works were so good with title such as Master of the Games , If Tomorrow Comes (love this), Stranger in the Mirror , etc. So, it is either that my literary sense during my 20s sucks or that this book is really trash. Half way through I got really fed-up and almost flung it out of the train. Good thing I bought the book and has got to finish it up just to make up for the money spent. Helloo… two beautifully gorgeous women (one of whom is a supermodel) defeated an intelligent world-class mastermind and got away from being assassinated by this very experienced crook – not once or twice, more than that I lost my count. Weather control machine? I thought this was a fad in the 70s or 80s. Even Dr Evil in Austin ...

This is a gem found by accident - it is not in bestseller list, written by an unknown - but on impulse I picked it up anyway. A truly delightful book written in the kind of style and language I dream of writing. If I were to write a book, this is the kind of book I would produce. In a way, I feel connected to this book because it illustrates the kind of mind I actually have but not known by anybody, even my hubby I think. I am a little crazy in my head, just that I don't do crazy things. And more often than not, I always pride in having this bit of craziness as it just differentiates me from other women. Sophie's Bakery for the Broken Hearted is written by Lolly Winston - debut novel. The name itself suggest what kind of writing the book has. Lolly... lollypop... It is about a woman's life after the death of her husband at the age of 36. And how the death drove her into depression and a little bit of insanity. Sophie's life took a downturn - from being a PR manager to ...

I’m going to talk about books today. I have been reading daily now for the past few months. What an achievement! I used to read and I read a lot during my pregnancy – in the 3 rd trimester because that was the time I was finally able to read and not get migraine. In fact, I read all 4 Harry Potter books (then) back to back and all over again just before I gave birth. However, I stopped reading books after I got Sarah. I just didn’t have the time. It was only this year I started to pick it up again – after a friend Aziph lent me his copy of Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code a few months ago while we were in Brunei . And since then, it’s been one book after another. I’m always reading 2 books at one time – a new book in the train on my way to work, and another old book which I re-read before bed. My aim is to catch up on reading at least 12 books this year – on average 1 book per month and for someone who just started last April (if I’m not mistaken) I am almost there. Just like ...

Yesterday I took Sarah to visit Kak Mah - the previous baby-sitter before Sarah got freaked out and decided she wanted to stay with her Wan. During our borak-borak, she told me about the other kids she took care previously - how now they have started schooling or the small ones started enrolling in kindergartens. Anyway, to cut a very long story short (with Kak Mah stories are really, really long), I decided not to put Sarah at the Tadika Kemas nearby and instead will go around and survey one of those kindergartens in Sri Putra. There's nothing wrong with that Tadika Kemas, but something Kak Mah said made me realise that I need to put my personal convenience aside and make sure Sarah gets the best education I can afford. Previous plan was - send her to that Tadika in the morning, then go to work and in the afternoon Sarah will catch the school van and go back to my mother's house and then spend the rest of the day there. But as much as I want things to be as smooth and safe as ...

Life always takes one to an intersection where decision needs to be made - either one is to turn left or right, or sometimes one needs to back track. I have been stagnant at this particular intersection for the past 2 months. This time around, the intersection reads - "career move". No, I didn’t get any job offers elsewhere and I don’t think I would like to work with any other company – full-time that is. What I want is flexibility in work – time, day, place… So that I can have more hours to spend with my daughter. Officially, I have resigned from my present company. However, I am extending my service for another month until my immediate boss comes up with a plan for my employment. What I requested from him is if I can work 3 days a week and spend the remaining 2 working from home. However, he is still planning which is very much understood as I believe it is difficult for him to plan for such an isolated case. And why I am still at the intersection? Because I just co...

I was watching In the Womb on National Geographics last weekend with Sarah when I asked her whether she would like an "adik". All the while her answer was always a big NO. In a way I always feel quite relieved because I can always put the "blame" on her. (Hey, it's Sarah who doesn't want an adik, ok?). Anyway, this time around she paused for a few moments and then asked me back - "Mummy, kalau ada adik maknanya mummy mengandung ya?". What? Mengandung?. "Ya la," I said. (Who taught her the word "mengandung" ni?). Then she said - "Tak nak lah!". I was amazed with her knowledge actually. Must be her observation on my sister-in-law who gave birth late last year. Back to that documentary, it brought back the memories of my pregnancy. From the size of a pin-head to a 3.4kg baby... truly a miracle. I'm having splitting thoughts on having another child - yes, it would be good to have another one, then at least Sarah will ...

I worked from home yesterday. No meetings or discussions. I have been coming back late for the past few days and would like to replace the time lost. I noticed that Sarah has developed quite a temper these few days so some time together might be good. She seems to have divided the tasks of her parents on her quite clearly - Mummy: reading, gardening, cooking... the one to hold her hands when we go out... Abah: playstation, bookstore, toy shops... the one to carry her if she gets tired when we go out. So, yesterday morning when my hubby got ready for work, she shut down the Playstation declaring that she will continue playing after Abah comes home from work. And true to her words, she didn't even touch the game the whole day. I actually asked her why and she said it's much more fun playing the Playstation with Abah than with Mummy. This morning she got a bit clingy. How I wish I knew what she was thinking. She always have this look in her face that says she has something in her ...

How do I get her to eat? She is so skinny. Tall and skinny. I'll be really lucky if I can get her to chomp down five spoons of rice. That is already a lot to her. She would ask how many more to go, and tried to come up with a loud burp. Hubby and me tried to get her to take Scott's Emulsion - the orange flavour. It's a nightmare trying to get her to swallow a tablespoon full. Her reasons - she doesn't want to look like Aish (my eldest sister's grandchild who is the same age as her). She said Aish takes Scott's Emulsion and now he is so fat with short lumpy legs. Oh, only 4 year's old and really concern with her looks!

How many waking hours a day do I spend with Sarah? On average 5 hours a day. One hour before work and about another four hours at night, if I'm lucky - if she doesn't doze off early. Only 5 hours? What kind of a mother spend such little time with her kid? There's so much I'm missing. Every day my mother would tell me - oh, she did this and that today, she followed us to the market and bought this and that, she was so funny today she said this and did that... Does she do any this and that with me? I don't know. If I notice something new Sarah would say she already did that with Atok or Wan the other day. OK, so that's not new then... One thing she's really good at nowadays is complain that hubby and I come back from work late. Not really that late actually but to her 7pm is way, way off. We should be home before the cartoon Mr Bean starts. That's her way of telling time. Every night, when I kiss that sleeping angelic face of hers I wish I can be with her ...