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I Can Feel My Grey Hair Growing

One amazing thing about running your own business and depending on it for your income is that you can actually feel your grey hair growing. Serious. Or is that my brains actually at boiling point? I have not had a moment of peace for a long, long time. Every waking hour is spent being alert of the things around me - what business opportunities can this thing generate? Everything I see I analyse - a billboard, an advertisement on TV, an article in the newspaper... And I read articles about successful people with envy. I don't want to be that rich. I just want to have a nice little business that gives me a few thousands a month for my expenses. That's all. OK la, the words a few thousands can be a little subjective. Enough to cover my expenses.

Anyway, I'm having a tough week. That new client who happens to be an ex-colleague is driving me crazy. Not to mention Casfian who has his way of working that makes my heart feels as if it's throwing itself from a cliff. I'm now juggling these 2 people, trying to satisfy one party and buying time for another. Sorang nak everything "today" tapi bagitau malam tadi. Sorang lagi pulak - yes, yes, I can give you today tapi sampai malam tak dapat apa. So, I have the client calling me late at night and then I need to call up the other guy to push him.

Sometimes I wish my life is a little simpler, like when I was in NST dulu. You work at the office like crazy, but when you step out of the office, that's it. You don't bring anything back on your shoulders. Tomorrow is a totally new day. You start something new, finish it up, then take another new task and complete it. Things were very structured. Weekends (if you don't work, that's it) you can spend the two days in peace. No extra baggage in your mind.

Of course there're pros and cons la... I don't know. I guess today I'm just too tired, and Sarah is giving me a hard time. Last night she slept during Maghrib time and woke up at 8.30pm crying like crazy. And she didn't stop crying. Pujuk pun dia tak nak, she pushed me away. She cried and scream up to the point that I myself get angry. I know she had a bad dream but she didn't want to tell. Dah stop crying, boleh continue lagi pulak. Lama-lama naik angin and I scolded her, quite bad la. Apparently she dreamed that I scolded her. So when she woke up she actually believed that I scolded her. Then she got another scolding because she didn't want to stop crying.

So, she actually got scolded by me over a dream. Problem is, until today she still believed that I scolded her first. Letih dah nak convince her what actually happened. Now she's at my mom's place with her Mak Long. Hubby is at the driving range, so I have the house to myself. Letih...

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