... since that incident. If you ask me whether I have fully recovered, the answer is a big no. I have not. And please, don't give me any advice like: "Let it pass; just forget about it; focus your energy on something else; just forgive and forget; read certain books or verses; etc". Because I have read hundreds of websites on how to forgive and forget. I have recited zikir to ease the pain. But the heart and the brain are totally different organs altogether. You can try to be sensible but the heart can become too emotional. When you try to embrace the fact and free your heart of any aches, you look sideways, sees something, a memory is triggered and the brain reminds you of the painful incident. It is not that easy. It's exhausting. I hate the feeling but I can't run away from it.
Sometimes I just can't take it anymore, felt like throwing everything to the wind, start a new life.
Sometimes I just can't take it anymore, felt like throwing everything to the wind, start a new life.
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I don't forget either. Because I believe that forgetting is not something one SHOULD do. Or should TRY to do. It's a natural process that happens when you are busy doing other things. And when 'other things' are done, one comes back to the memory... painful or otherwise.
However, I do forgive myself for being UNforgetful. I forgive myself for being human and for still hurting. I'm taking my own sweet time to heal. And bila rasa macam nak balas dendam - a good friend of mine said, as evil as it may sound, "Balas jer!"
I really think we should NOT forget. If we forget, we might make the same mistake - again. We might be betrayed - again. What happened was a lesson. So we learned. We don't forget.
Dear, this is not an advice tau. This is a note to self. Hehe. Dah, sekian. I am gone to attend some Acara Berbalas Dendam. Nak ikut?
I think that's the difference between men and women kan - women forgives but we don't forget. How I wish I can forget but that thingy lingers in my mind & heart at its permanent spot. At times, my only consolation is - since she's a woman too, she also doesn't forget. And I pray that she suffers just as much. And at times when rasa-sakit-hati-sangat-rasa-nak-balas-dendam, I really really wish to God (pray is not the right word) that she gets to feel what I felt, that her husband find someone else and hurt her. Since (in my imagination) I'm on her hubby's side, I wish that he got himself a gorgeous woman. That will make me very happy... hmmmm...
Ada acara membalas dendam ke? Nak ikut! Nak ikut!