Dah lama tak tengok Oprah. Yesterday managed to catch one show. I didn't really watch it fully, just catching here and there. There were the Williams sisters and Jada Pickett Smith. The topic was something about being comfortable with oneself - meaning no looking down at yourself - no sayings like I'm ugly, I'm fat, etc.
One thing that always amazes me is that how people are never ever satisfied with their looks. Ask Cameron Diaz and she would say she's too skinny, ask Heidi Klum and I bet she would say that she hates certain part of her body. And these are major babes.
I'm not spared of course. I always wish that I have nice nose, higher forehead, slimmer cheeks, thinner lips, flatter stomach, smaller butt, etc, etc. If I have all those would I be satisfied? Then I would wish for many other things. However, one good thing about being in my 30s is that I am more comfortable with myself and my life. If I were given a chance to turn back the clock, say to 1990s when I was in my 20s, I wouldn't want to take it up. I love my life now.
I might be 10kgs heavier than I was before I gave birth to Sarah, have wrinkles on my forehead, but I have matured and become a better person. Most importantly, I have the self-confidence that I lacked when I was in my 20s.
I was horrible then. I couldn't talk in a group without blushing. I always keep my ideas and thoughts to myself. I walk with my head down. May be it has got to do with my upbringing. Being raised in a conventional Malay family, being quiet is always considered as "good", which is not good at all. So, I was never the kind to speak out, even during times that I should have spoken out. And at times I regret being too nice.
I remember when I was in my early 20s I like to eat at this restaurant near Kotaraya. I don't really mind eating alone, and that restaurant serves the best chicken salad. There was once that I was eating alone, and I was actually alone in the restaurant. There was no other customers. And the waiters started to hit on me - the kurang ajar way. Nak mengorat tak reti, kurang ajar pulak tu. I was so angry and thought that I should complain to the manager. But when I looked up, I saw that the manager was among the boys. I should have stood up, went to them and told them my piece of mind. But I stopped eating and left the restaurant, all the way feeling so angry and sick. I was angry at the men and also to myself for not fighting back.
Then when I was working with NST and staying with my sister in PJ, I encountered the same incident - almost every day. I take the bus daily and the walk back to my sister's place I had to pass the row of houses at the start of the street. There was this house occupied by a group of orang bujang, also kurang ajar. Every day when I pass by they would purposely group together at the gate and harass me with not so nice words, sometimes vulgar. Every single day. I had to pass their house as that is the only way to get to home from the bus stop. Once I was so angry I threw the newspaper I was holding at them. That only made them happier. I cried in anger when I reached home. I didn't tell anybody about them. I was so sick of them from that day onwards I went of the bus at the last stop and walk 3 times further than the normal way. But at least I don't have to pass that stupid house. Until this day I regret not doing anything about it.
One thing that always amazes me is that how people are never ever satisfied with their looks. Ask Cameron Diaz and she would say she's too skinny, ask Heidi Klum and I bet she would say that she hates certain part of her body. And these are major babes.
I'm not spared of course. I always wish that I have nice nose, higher forehead, slimmer cheeks, thinner lips, flatter stomach, smaller butt, etc, etc. If I have all those would I be satisfied? Then I would wish for many other things. However, one good thing about being in my 30s is that I am more comfortable with myself and my life. If I were given a chance to turn back the clock, say to 1990s when I was in my 20s, I wouldn't want to take it up. I love my life now.
I might be 10kgs heavier than I was before I gave birth to Sarah, have wrinkles on my forehead, but I have matured and become a better person. Most importantly, I have the self-confidence that I lacked when I was in my 20s.
I was horrible then. I couldn't talk in a group without blushing. I always keep my ideas and thoughts to myself. I walk with my head down. May be it has got to do with my upbringing. Being raised in a conventional Malay family, being quiet is always considered as "good", which is not good at all. So, I was never the kind to speak out, even during times that I should have spoken out. And at times I regret being too nice.
I remember when I was in my early 20s I like to eat at this restaurant near Kotaraya. I don't really mind eating alone, and that restaurant serves the best chicken salad. There was once that I was eating alone, and I was actually alone in the restaurant. There was no other customers. And the waiters started to hit on me - the kurang ajar way. Nak mengorat tak reti, kurang ajar pulak tu. I was so angry and thought that I should complain to the manager. But when I looked up, I saw that the manager was among the boys. I should have stood up, went to them and told them my piece of mind. But I stopped eating and left the restaurant, all the way feeling so angry and sick. I was angry at the men and also to myself for not fighting back.
Then when I was working with NST and staying with my sister in PJ, I encountered the same incident - almost every day. I take the bus daily and the walk back to my sister's place I had to pass the row of houses at the start of the street. There was this house occupied by a group of orang bujang, also kurang ajar. Every day when I pass by they would purposely group together at the gate and harass me with not so nice words, sometimes vulgar. Every single day. I had to pass their house as that is the only way to get to home from the bus stop. Once I was so angry I threw the newspaper I was holding at them. That only made them happier. I cried in anger when I reached home. I didn't tell anybody about them. I was so sick of them from that day onwards I went of the bus at the last stop and walk 3 times further than the normal way. But at least I don't have to pass that stupid house. Until this day I regret not doing anything about it.
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