Living with Sarah

Today in history - we conducted our very first training at this new office. It's Hubby's topic today. We actually received only 3 participants. But enough for the training to go on. If buat kat hotel, memang I cancel. Tak balik modal langsung. Our 2 staff joined as well. Akak? Even though the topic is very interesting - web risk management - I can't afford to sit the whole day for the class. I got this sebutharga to finish up to submit early next week. So far no fumbles. Food abundance and cheap - from gerai Pakcik Nasi Lemak downstairs. Having conducted lots of trainings at hotels previously, we have learned quite a lot. So, everything that needs to be there - is there. Everybody is downstairs having lunch at Sham Sup Utara. Free flow of coffee and tea. Took this idea from MPC - sediakan air panas and mugs. Anytime wanna drink can always go to the back and prepare sendiri 3-in 1 coffee or tea. Very cost-saving - tak payah buat 2-3 jenis air utk different tekak.

I just came back from a day trip to Kuantan. For a sebutharga briefing. I went alone. And drove 8 hours to and fro in our little Viva. My right knee is killing me. So is my back. It's been quite some time since my last visit to Kuantan so the trip really was tiring. The Latio would have taken less time and offer much more comfort for my back and bum. At one point I actually thought - wish I had the Latio now! I spent the hours talking to myself, singing my off-beat tunes and most of the time thinking and reflecting. There's so much stuff to think about. Most importantly - what I should do for this situation I'm currently facing. In the end, I still couldn't find the answer. And I still don't know what to do. The songs I listened to didn't help much. The whole point of listening to the bunch of them is to get that feelings back. But they just gave me sore throat. I don't know whether this is a sign. That perhaps it really is over? I stopped at Temerloh and ha...

I wish to stop swimming. I am so very tired. For the past few days, it felt like being abandoned. All these that I've worked on have come to this point because I had the support. But like I always say, other people can just stop and let go. This pond we are swimming in - anyone can just hop out and leave me swimming alone. Maybe I need a break from this tiring swim. Just for a while... Maybe not. I'm not the person to abandon anything or anybody.

This morning we clocked almost 32kms - from our place to the Semenyih route, Bukit Mahkota, Nilai 3 up to that big crossroad at Nilai Impian and then came back. Tiring but felt really good. Now the bodyache has started to crept in.

My cycling routine is going quite well despite not being able to cycle to work for the past 2 weeks. Aliyah suddenly started her "mood swings". She doesn't want to stay with my Kak Lang after school, she wants to go to our office. So, we have to fetch her from school, meaning I have to drive to work while Hubby cycle. She has also been skipping school Mondays and Tuesdays - the days that she knows she has to stay with my sister - feigning sickness. Not very unusual actually. Aliyah has this "unknown reason for laziness" every year. So, we normally but just let her be. She will get over it sooner or later. The first week we cycled, to and fro the office is about 8.8kms. It was so tiring we had to stop at 2 places. Now? We just came back from cycling around our usual route - the road heading Semenyih and back to my parents' place - about 10+kms and felt nothing :). The cycle up the hills is always tiring, and feels like breath is being knocked out of me, but a...

Alhamdulillah... this test we are currently facing has seen a little light. This client yang selalunya agak lambat bayar suddenly said our cheque is ready. At least this payment will get us going. Must not give up, especially in praying, wishing, hoping, even dreaming... With hard work, of course. This dream of that product inspired by Aliyah Maisarah is progressing well. My team has started groundwork. And we have found the perfect partner to work with. It might see the light of day earlier than expected. Perhaps 6 months earlier than planned. Don't stop dreaming, working, praying, hoping... No matter how difficult things might be. At times I do feel ashamed that once or twice I actually did give up. I thought, oh, what's the point of asking anymore if what I asked for is not granted, if all the energy I have has been channeled but yielded no results. But then I thought again - if I don't ask, hope and pray, that is even more shameful. And arrogant. Continue dreaming, work...

Sometimes, things do not go well at all. Many, many times I wonder what goes wrong. Have I not been good enough, asked enough, worked enough, be nice enough...? As humans, obviously nothing is ever enough. But asking for more than I could give is really shameful. No, it's not arrogance. It's plain shameful. How can I ask for more when there are people out there with no food? How can I ask for more when there are people out there living in the streets? I have food and shelter. I should be thankful. But I ask in shame - please, give me a little bit more than what I have because I have need for it. And now, of all times, the need is great. My good friend Yatt told me to ask and continue asking. Pray and ask, she said, the problem is we don't ask enough. I know it's true. I do pray and ask and hope and beg. I know it's a test. This whole thing is a huge test. This morning I watched the fishes swimming in our little pond, my left chest felt burning, my breath felt short....