It's been almost a week now. I dreaded writing about this loss. Because it's just so surreal. A loss, any loss, can be so heart wrenching. My week, thus far, has been clouded in somber mood.
I lost another sister-in-law, Lia, on Sunday the 23rd. She passed at 12.35am due to lung cancer. She's the wife of my brother Abang Ben. I said it's so surreal because nobody knew she was ill until the very last week.
I went to visit the night after I got to know, but I didn't get to see her. At that time, the aim was to boost her spirits to fight her illness. So, too many visitors with teary eyes might send the wrong message. Two days later she was critical. Still I didn't get to see her. I was down with fever and my usual horrible, horrible cough. I planned to see her on Sunday morning. I believed I should be OK by then.
But then, I received message on Saturday night from my brother at 11.20pm that my SIL has gotten worse. I straight away got dressed and both Hubbs and I went to KPJ Damansara. I remember reaching the hospital room at 12.30am. A nurse was fixing this heart rate machine to my frail-looking SIL, whom I finally got to see. I went around the room shaking hands and hugging my SIL's sisters. Then I stood right in front of my SIL and looked at her, finally seeing her difficult breathing. My brother stepped to my side and started to tell me how she was doing. I remember listening. I also remember I was actually counting my SIL's breathing. Because each breath looked so difficult, long and painful. Her mouth and nose were covered with oxygen mask and bag.
I remember counting. One. She inhaled. Two. Inhaled. Three. Inhaled. I waited for number four. But she didn't take another breath. She stayed still. I think I said to my brother - "Tu, tengok Lia dah tak tarik nafas". I think. I don't know. My brother and my SIL's sisters started to whisper syahadah and Allah to her ears. The other nurses came to the room and we were asked to wait outside.
I remember my hands were shaking. My heart felt like it's being ripped apart. This can't be happening. But that last breath that I saw her take was her final breath. She passed 5 minutes after I arrived.
Hubbs and I stayed till almost 4am. Until the van jenazah came to take her back to her hometown in Teluk Intan. At one point, I stayed accompanying her alone in the room. I looked at her body and tried to say something but nothing came out of my mouth. I wanted to thank her for loving and taking care of my brother all these years. I wanted to thank her for bathing my mother when I couldn't reach the morgue in time last September. I wanted to apologize for all my wrongdoings to her. We might not be close but she was my SIL and for that she has a special place in my heart.
My SIL Lia passed just one year and four days after my SIL Kak Ros. And in between, my mother. I lost 3 important people in my life in the span of one year. However, I was glad I was given the chance to be with them in their last journey especially the solat jenazah.
Allahummaghfirlaha warhamha wa'fiha wa'fu'anha.
Ya Allah, ampunilah dosanya, berilah rahmatMu ke atasnya, sejahtera dan maafkanlah dia. Aaminn...
I lost another sister-in-law, Lia, on Sunday the 23rd. She passed at 12.35am due to lung cancer. She's the wife of my brother Abang Ben. I said it's so surreal because nobody knew she was ill until the very last week.
I went to visit the night after I got to know, but I didn't get to see her. At that time, the aim was to boost her spirits to fight her illness. So, too many visitors with teary eyes might send the wrong message. Two days later she was critical. Still I didn't get to see her. I was down with fever and my usual horrible, horrible cough. I planned to see her on Sunday morning. I believed I should be OK by then.
But then, I received message on Saturday night from my brother at 11.20pm that my SIL has gotten worse. I straight away got dressed and both Hubbs and I went to KPJ Damansara. I remember reaching the hospital room at 12.30am. A nurse was fixing this heart rate machine to my frail-looking SIL, whom I finally got to see. I went around the room shaking hands and hugging my SIL's sisters. Then I stood right in front of my SIL and looked at her, finally seeing her difficult breathing. My brother stepped to my side and started to tell me how she was doing. I remember listening. I also remember I was actually counting my SIL's breathing. Because each breath looked so difficult, long and painful. Her mouth and nose were covered with oxygen mask and bag.
I remember counting. One. She inhaled. Two. Inhaled. Three. Inhaled. I waited for number four. But she didn't take another breath. She stayed still. I think I said to my brother - "Tu, tengok Lia dah tak tarik nafas". I think. I don't know. My brother and my SIL's sisters started to whisper syahadah and Allah to her ears. The other nurses came to the room and we were asked to wait outside.
I remember my hands were shaking. My heart felt like it's being ripped apart. This can't be happening. But that last breath that I saw her take was her final breath. She passed 5 minutes after I arrived.
Hubbs and I stayed till almost 4am. Until the van jenazah came to take her back to her hometown in Teluk Intan. At one point, I stayed accompanying her alone in the room. I looked at her body and tried to say something but nothing came out of my mouth. I wanted to thank her for loving and taking care of my brother all these years. I wanted to thank her for bathing my mother when I couldn't reach the morgue in time last September. I wanted to apologize for all my wrongdoings to her. We might not be close but she was my SIL and for that she has a special place in my heart.
My SIL Lia passed just one year and four days after my SIL Kak Ros. And in between, my mother. I lost 3 important people in my life in the span of one year. However, I was glad I was given the chance to be with them in their last journey especially the solat jenazah.
Allahummaghfirlaha warhamha wa'fiha wa'fu'anha.
Ya Allah, ampunilah dosanya, berilah rahmatMu ke atasnya, sejahtera dan maafkanlah dia. Aaminn...
Final resting place. Selamat pulang ke negeri abadi kakak...
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