My beloved mother passed away yesterday, Thursday 12 September, at 11.47pm. She has been hospitalised at Serdang Hospital for the past 2 weeks plus. She was buried today, Friday 13 September, at around 11am. Today is her 81st birthday.
I didn't get to be with her at her last. Received call from my SIL Azah at 11.42pm, straight away got ready, rushed out, made a U-turn back to fetch my Angah, and on the way just as we passed Southville exit, received call from my Abang Ben informing that my mother has left us.
My mother passed on a most auspicious night. And she was buried on a most auspicious day. I am certain her end was husnul khatimah. She left peacefully. When I reached her hospital bed at around 12.40am, she was already cleaned up, the tubes removed. And her face looked so... the only word I can find is cute. So comel. Round healthy face, fair and calm with this little mischievous look brought by her lips. She's just sleeping, I said to myself. When I kissed her forehead, she still felt warm.
We went back home at around 3am but of course no sleep can come. We went back to the hospital but reached the forensic area at 7am. Besides being a bit late, the roads have started to jam up and parking was already full. All the way I prayed that the mandi and kafan would start a little later than planned so that I could join, but just as I stepped into the room, the process has just finished. Just. The kakak who bathed my mother was still wearing her apron. I recognised her immediately. She was the one who bathed arwah Kak Ros, my SIL, a few months ago.
I was really disappointed, or rather sad, for not being able to join bathing my mother for the last time. Kept telling myself, I shouldn't have gone back home. I should have just stayed at the hospital for that 3 hours before the process. Tak ada rezeki mungkin. But I managed to spend some time alone with my mother at the morgue while waiting for van jenazah to arrive. I got to recite 3 rounds of Yaasin and some other surahs. I spoke to her, said my goodbye. I got to touch her, just putting my hand on her body while I recite. She's still around at that time, I know and I some how could feel it.
I accompanied her in the van jenazah with my SIL back to Masjid Bangi Lama. I told myself, this is the last time I'm with her on a journey. Funny thing I remember at that time was that after I got my driving license, I used to drive my mother around. To shopping complexes, pasar malam, grocery shops, and her favourite - tempat jual plastic containers. She loved plastic containers!
Today, semua urusan dipermudahkan. Really. And we are all so thankful. I got to join solat jenazah, and finally before she was closed up, I got to kiss her for the last time. That comel face of hers. The burial process was completed at around 11am. My mother was buried quite close to my father's grave. Alhamdulillah. They are finally together.
We didn't fetch anak comel from Melaka because time was short and I was sure even if we rushed, we couldn't make it on time. Only managed to talk to her late afternoon. She was sad that she couldn't see her Wan for the last time, but she understood. I asked how she's holding. She said she did cry a bit. She then asked how I was coping. I told her I'm OK. She said she'll see me next week and we can talk. Allah... my daughter knows me so well.
It still feels surreal that my mother is no longer around. Honestly, my tears are held in like a swelling dam waiting to burst. I have been holding this feeling in my heart and the ache really hurts. It will burst, I know. But I needed to be strong today. And I was glad I got to be a shoulder to cry on. I guess the strength comes from knowing my mother passed peacefully, that she's no longer in pain, and her end was the ending that anyone would envy. She's now in a better place. Insyaallah.
“Allahummaghfirlaha warhamha wa ‘afiha wa’fuanha.” Semoga Allah mengampuninya, merahmatinya, memberikan keselamatan dan memaafkan kesalahannya.
Al Fatihah.
I didn't get to be with her at her last. Received call from my SIL Azah at 11.42pm, straight away got ready, rushed out, made a U-turn back to fetch my Angah, and on the way just as we passed Southville exit, received call from my Abang Ben informing that my mother has left us.
My mother passed on a most auspicious night. And she was buried on a most auspicious day. I am certain her end was husnul khatimah. She left peacefully. When I reached her hospital bed at around 12.40am, she was already cleaned up, the tubes removed. And her face looked so... the only word I can find is cute. So comel. Round healthy face, fair and calm with this little mischievous look brought by her lips. She's just sleeping, I said to myself. When I kissed her forehead, she still felt warm.
We went back home at around 3am but of course no sleep can come. We went back to the hospital but reached the forensic area at 7am. Besides being a bit late, the roads have started to jam up and parking was already full. All the way I prayed that the mandi and kafan would start a little later than planned so that I could join, but just as I stepped into the room, the process has just finished. Just. The kakak who bathed my mother was still wearing her apron. I recognised her immediately. She was the one who bathed arwah Kak Ros, my SIL, a few months ago.
I was really disappointed, or rather sad, for not being able to join bathing my mother for the last time. Kept telling myself, I shouldn't have gone back home. I should have just stayed at the hospital for that 3 hours before the process. Tak ada rezeki mungkin. But I managed to spend some time alone with my mother at the morgue while waiting for van jenazah to arrive. I got to recite 3 rounds of Yaasin and some other surahs. I spoke to her, said my goodbye. I got to touch her, just putting my hand on her body while I recite. She's still around at that time, I know and I some how could feel it.
I accompanied her in the van jenazah with my SIL back to Masjid Bangi Lama. I told myself, this is the last time I'm with her on a journey. Funny thing I remember at that time was that after I got my driving license, I used to drive my mother around. To shopping complexes, pasar malam, grocery shops, and her favourite - tempat jual plastic containers. She loved plastic containers!
Today, semua urusan dipermudahkan. Really. And we are all so thankful. I got to join solat jenazah, and finally before she was closed up, I got to kiss her for the last time. That comel face of hers. The burial process was completed at around 11am. My mother was buried quite close to my father's grave. Alhamdulillah. They are finally together.
We didn't fetch anak comel from Melaka because time was short and I was sure even if we rushed, we couldn't make it on time. Only managed to talk to her late afternoon. She was sad that she couldn't see her Wan for the last time, but she understood. I asked how she's holding. She said she did cry a bit. She then asked how I was coping. I told her I'm OK. She said she'll see me next week and we can talk. Allah... my daughter knows me so well.
It still feels surreal that my mother is no longer around. Honestly, my tears are held in like a swelling dam waiting to burst. I have been holding this feeling in my heart and the ache really hurts. It will burst, I know. But I needed to be strong today. And I was glad I got to be a shoulder to cry on. I guess the strength comes from knowing my mother passed peacefully, that she's no longer in pain, and her end was the ending that anyone would envy. She's now in a better place. Insyaallah.
“Allahummaghfirlaha warhamha wa ‘afiha wa’fuanha.” Semoga Allah mengampuninya, merahmatinya, memberikan keselamatan dan memaafkan kesalahannya.
Al Fatihah.
My last journey with my mother...
I was sitting beside my father's grave.
My mother's final resting place...
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