It's been a month since my father passed. Never a day pass by that I don't think of him. The first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I have in my mind before I sleep. People say time will heal. Perhaps it's true. My heart doesn't hurt so much now. But I miss him every single day.
A few of us started to have dreams of him. My brother Lan, my Kak Long, even my nephew Along Iwan. For 2 weeks, I never had any dreams of my father. Rasa rindu sangat sangat. Selalu doa minta my father datang dalam mimpi. Even just a glimpse. Sometimes when I drive at the road near Bangi Villa, I can actually see the palm oil trees near his grave. It's just the opposite of the road. And I would say to myself - "Sampai hati Abah tak datang dalam mimpi. Rindu. Orang lain Abah jenguk, kita ni Abah langsung tak ingat...".
Finally I dreamed of him. Twice. The first one was 2 weeks back. He was well, looked young (perhaps the way he looked in the 80s). His children and grandchildren where all around. I think the atmosphere was everybody was so worried about his health. He smiled to everybody, put up his hands and said, "Aku sihat".
The second dream was I think last week. That was very brief, just a glimpse. Just like the previous one, everybody was around. But the atmosphere was a bit sad. He was dying. And just like that day when he bid me farewell, I slumped at one corner and cried. I woke up with my pillow soaked with my tears.
It really is hard without him around. My head has this auto-play of that last day. Images of him keep on playing in my head.
I miss sending him lunch and dinner. I miss just sitting at the sofa listening to him commenting about the news - accidents, politics, Anwar Ibrahim :). I miss listening to his stories about history, personalities, royalties. I simply miss my father.
A few of us started to have dreams of him. My brother Lan, my Kak Long, even my nephew Along Iwan. For 2 weeks, I never had any dreams of my father. Rasa rindu sangat sangat. Selalu doa minta my father datang dalam mimpi. Even just a glimpse. Sometimes when I drive at the road near Bangi Villa, I can actually see the palm oil trees near his grave. It's just the opposite of the road. And I would say to myself - "Sampai hati Abah tak datang dalam mimpi. Rindu. Orang lain Abah jenguk, kita ni Abah langsung tak ingat...".
Finally I dreamed of him. Twice. The first one was 2 weeks back. He was well, looked young (perhaps the way he looked in the 80s). His children and grandchildren where all around. I think the atmosphere was everybody was so worried about his health. He smiled to everybody, put up his hands and said, "Aku sihat".
The second dream was I think last week. That was very brief, just a glimpse. Just like the previous one, everybody was around. But the atmosphere was a bit sad. He was dying. And just like that day when he bid me farewell, I slumped at one corner and cried. I woke up with my pillow soaked with my tears.
It really is hard without him around. My head has this auto-play of that last day. Images of him keep on playing in my head.
I miss sending him lunch and dinner. I miss just sitting at the sofa listening to him commenting about the news - accidents, politics, Anwar Ibrahim :). I miss listening to his stories about history, personalities, royalties. I simply miss my father.
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