Temper is natural. At this age, I have mellowed down. Really mellowed down. Instead of scolding for every little mistakes that kids make like many other parents, I usually would just take a deep breath and try to talk nicely. Word to note - "try to". So, compared to her cousin Wani, Sarah doesn't get much scolding. Both hubby and I would shower her with as much tender loving care as possible (borrowing Azmi's phase!). That's why when we really do raise our voices, then it must have been something big.
But parents can be mistaken. And after what happened yesterday, I am still carrying the guilt. Yesterday morning was a bit chaotic. Sarah took her time eating breakfast that I threatened to switch off the TV many times. And when we were ready to go with the doors all locked and gear on D, she had go to to the toilet. So I had to open back the doors and get her cleaned up. By then it was already 7.50am. We are really late. My patience was growing real thin. And then she delayed it some more. I was ready to go but Sarah was still not in the car. The door is opened but she was touching and trying to open her school bag. Or looked like it.
And that was it. I lost my temper and yelled at her. My voice and anger simply betrayed me. She was shocked, quickly got into the car and closed the door. With the temper still rising I asked her what she was doing. She looked afraid with tears in her eyes and giving me that usual sulking look and not saying anything. I yelled again. Then she slowly said that she was looking at her shoes as there was some dirt on them.
Oh God, I should have known. Sarah is so very particular about cleanliness, about following rules, about making sure things are right... She actually took a few extra minutes to clean up her shoes! I felt so guilty for being angry at her. On the way to school she was so quiet even though I had the doa songs on. I felt sorry but at the same time I still want her to know my reason for being angry. I told her about us being late and the implications. I told her that I am sorry but next time she must always be aware of time. Urghh... I still have that ego of a parent. Sarah being Sarah beamed immediately. She smiled and said OK. Then she started to sing along to the doa songs.
I could hardly wait for her to come back from school after that. The moment she got home, I kissed and hugged her and said more sorrys. She has already forgotten but I still have it in my heart.
But parents can be mistaken. And after what happened yesterday, I am still carrying the guilt. Yesterday morning was a bit chaotic. Sarah took her time eating breakfast that I threatened to switch off the TV many times. And when we were ready to go with the doors all locked and gear on D, she had go to to the toilet. So I had to open back the doors and get her cleaned up. By then it was already 7.50am. We are really late. My patience was growing real thin. And then she delayed it some more. I was ready to go but Sarah was still not in the car. The door is opened but she was touching and trying to open her school bag. Or looked like it.
And that was it. I lost my temper and yelled at her. My voice and anger simply betrayed me. She was shocked, quickly got into the car and closed the door. With the temper still rising I asked her what she was doing. She looked afraid with tears in her eyes and giving me that usual sulking look and not saying anything. I yelled again. Then she slowly said that she was looking at her shoes as there was some dirt on them.
Oh God, I should have known. Sarah is so very particular about cleanliness, about following rules, about making sure things are right... She actually took a few extra minutes to clean up her shoes! I felt so guilty for being angry at her. On the way to school she was so quiet even though I had the doa songs on. I felt sorry but at the same time I still want her to know my reason for being angry. I told her about us being late and the implications. I told her that I am sorry but next time she must always be aware of time. Urghh... I still have that ego of a parent. Sarah being Sarah beamed immediately. She smiled and said OK. Then she started to sing along to the doa songs.
I could hardly wait for her to come back from school after that. The moment she got home, I kissed and hugged her and said more sorrys. She has already forgotten but I still have it in my heart.
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