Living with Sarah

Aliyah, as usual, has been following us to the office since the school holidays start. I really feel bad for her. We have tonnes of work to do and all she does all day is to use our handphones to watch Winx Club and draw. She refused to stay with my Kak Lang - which is actually a better place for the girl to spend the day compared to the office. As a sweet little girl, she always says she doesn't mind us not entertaining her... Baik sangat la anak aku ni! I'm trying to clear up some works so that I can take her to catch a movie. Kung Fu Panda perhaps...

I commented on Enida 's posting about how to be insensitive. As always, this friend of mine has beautiful words to sooth the feelings: " God knows people like us are capable of finding happiness somewhere else. When one door is closed on us, He knows we are sensitive enough to find other doors. We don't stay yelling, kicking and screaming at the closed door. We are nice that way. We turn away in peace ..." I felt a teeny weeny bit better :)

Whatever that I have said that might make someone angry, it is for the sake of the company. I never think about myself. To me, Allah swt knows best - my intentions, my thoughts, etc. I have always been a nice person. So, if I actually did make someone angry, then, there must be a good reason for it.

One of the essential skills of an entrepreneur is to trust one's own judgement. Or what I always call "gut feeling". I made a big management mistake and now living the consequences. I was so determined to move forward, to bring the company to a higher level, that I actually ignored my gut feelings. Whatever uneasiness I felt in my guts, I ignored. All because I thought that it was the phase that we need to go through - new culture, new ideas, etc. I should've listened to this thing that I have trusted for years - my gut feeling. And I should've listened to the uneasiness of some of my people. I waved it off as petty because I badly wanted a fresh start for everybody, at this new office. It started as petty and small but it slowly grew and in the end, it felt like a thorn stuck to my thumb. And worse, one that I couldn't prick off. On the positive side, this is a lesson well learned. But with a high price to pay. It made me realise this thing in me that I have ...

At times I really think I can't go on anymore. This challenge we are facing is really taking me down. This morning I don't feel like getting up. If only I can just close my eyes and sleep and pretend that all these are not happening. But of course what good would that be? I can't give up just because one person is giving me a hard time. And good thing about Facebook is that - there are times you can find some good stuff amongst the rubbish. And my ex-boss shared an article this morning - whether or not one really is an entrepreneur. Guess what - out of the seven indications, I actually "comply" with all seven. And the one that struck me the most was no 7: "Finally--you love it. Simply stated, if you are really excited about the challenges each day presents, you just might be an entrepreneur. The terrain might not be easy to trek, but for an entrepreneur it’s incredibly satisfying and fun to take on each new challenge." Yes, things are tough, always. But...

How was the presentation? I really can't say... Looks good, not really... 50-50... Seriously, I have no idea. Gut feeling? Nothing. It was a panel consisting of technical people whose main concern was scrutinizing the server specifications. So, I believe the prototype was irrelevant. But one thing I am sure of is that, insyaallah, God willing, if ada rezeki, a portion of the project can be ours due to our previous work done with them. My little consolidation. Hopefully. But the trip was awful. I was down with flu and fever. The weather was so hot. Semua tu cabaran...

All is set for Monday. Slides done. Prototype done. Partners have been informed and will be on standby. Really hope we will be able to give a good presentation and get the project. And really hope I'll be well very soon. Suddenly having this fever and flu. Gosh, at times felt I can't go on anymore... Perhaps my body and mind found this connection and decided to shut down. After my short vacation things felt so difficult. I spent the next few days sleeping (actually just keeping my eyes shut) after Aliyah went off to school and went to work late. Keep on praying God help me.