Living with Sarah

CNY Weekend

2012-01-25T12:01:00.004+08:00

It was a long weekend and felt really, really long too. Being an entrepreneur, I usually don't really welcome long holidays :(. There's just so much to do! But then, it was a very nice break.

We went back to Melaka and spent the weekend mostly watching movies :). Kili brought back his media box with loads of movies. So, it was one movie after another. Finally got to watch Johnny English 2 yang apparently not so funny. And glued to Underworld. And as usual, kalau balik sana mesti melawat kebun my MIL belakang and tepi rumah yang penuh dengan pokok-pokok yang menggeramkan. She really has green fingers - anything she plants grow beautifully. I gave her pokok misai kucing and mint a few months ago and they are now flourishing. Brought back benih kacang botol (which actually was given by us to her when we stayed at Terrance last time - ish, ish, buruk siku betul!). There were anak pokok terung she gave which I totally forgot to bring back. And I dah order from her anak pokok sireh.

Monday was spent with my side of family at Izzkin Spa. We had a doa selamat for opening of the spa with my father's presence. Sauna was on the house! My father spent 30mins in the sauna with my nephew Izzul. Imagine 30mins alone with my father, confined in a small hot space! Izzul said he had a good 30mins of history lesson :). Then, he did rawatan resdung and was very happy with the whole treatment. We thought he actually looked a bit fairer by the time he went back!

My father getting resdung treatment... Siap dipakaikan head band warna pink! Hehehe...

I baked cheese cake for makan-makan. This time around, I made a full cake. It turned out fantastic just that there are cracks on the cake. I shouldn't have used a mixer but after coming back from Melaka the night before, rasa penatnya nak guna tangan. Too much air in the cake.

Never Too Late To Change

2012-01-18T15:05:00.002+08:00

People say when you reach 40 and you still don't change (bad traits/personalities/behaviour/etc), then you will never change. The months leading to me becoming 40 last year, I became so afraid. I was afraid that I will not become a better person, or tolerable person in my old age. As human beings, we have many, many weaknesses. So, I try to change. The traits that I wish to change most is making my heart better - not to keep grudges, to be "redha" and "ikhlas", be more patient, to be positive, to see things from many point of views, etc. But change is really difficult. But I try.

One day I was researching on teaching English when I recalled something from my matriculation days. We had this Chinese grammar teacher whom I totally forgot her name. She once said - "speak in English, think in English, dream in English". At that time, when I was 18, and found that English was not as easy as learning it in school, I thought that was such a logical way of learning. That really made sense. So I tried. Speaking - so so at campus since all of us are Malays. Thinking - I tried very hard doing this, talking and reading to myself in my head. Eventually, one fine night, I dreamed in English. I woke up feeling so excited! And that was the time I thought that I can really master the language.

So, I tried this theory to make me a better person. Every time I was faced with a situation, I think hard to accept it in a good way - ikhlas and redha. One night I dreamed of going back, I met someone who started to open his mouth to insult me but I told him - "please, just stop it". I then went to the kitchen to have some food but just I was about to eat, I got distracted and went somewhere else. That person then ate my food, not even a morsel left for me. I came back, looked at the plate and told him - "it's ok, it is your rezeki, not mine".

I woke up and thought - wow, I finally dreamed of being good. I can't say I am a better person, but I have started to accept things gratefully. Little things like alhamdulillah when it rains, or when I get a parking space easily. It makes the heart feels lighter and happier.

It's not too late to change.

Road Not Taken

2012-01-18T11:47:00.002+08:00

This road I'm taking is not the path that many people would dare to take. It's the road that most people would only dream to take. But dreams are made of candies and chocolates. Everything seems so sweet. The ugly truth is that it's a road full of obstacles and challenges. However, even as I always believe myself as being strong, at times there's only so much a person can endure. And as much as I believe I've been hardened by the years of experience, this little voice inside me is still that same person.

Another staff resigned this week. She has been with us for quite some time. Even though we parted in very good terms - she believes it's time she ventured back into full-time employment and that she knows she can come back to us if the arrangement doesn't work out - I still feel hurt. I guess I am the kind of person who always wants to give the best to people. And I thought that if only we are much more stable, I could have offered better benefits to her. Same goes with another ex-colleague who's been out of job, who has been asking me if I can offer her a job. I wish I can help. I really do. But I can't guarantee anything beyond 3 months.

However, surprisingly, things inside my head got cleared up quite fast and I'm putting down plans. Perhaps it's best for me to steer this ship to the right and go back one round - to where I started. That's where I'm putting my feet firmly on the ground. I'm starting a new journey, on the same path I've trodden before, but with lessons learned and experiences, I pray it will be a better adventure.

Food Over the Past Week

2012-01-16T19:23:00.005+08:00

Let's see... besides the nothing much, as usual, stuff going on day by day... Let's talk about makan-makan.

I made my very first cheese cake. Someone shared the recipe on FB saying - "the easiest cheese cake ever", "for those who have never made cheese cake before", "nothing will go wrong". Perfect for me! So I tried. But, as usual, the problem with these kind of recipes being share by friend to friend to friend is that - they don't tell you the details. Like - how big should the baking tin be? I had no idea. And since I decided to make only 1/2 of the cake - like what the recipe-sharer said she did showing how beautiful her cake is with strawberries and all, I used what I already have - a 9-inch tin.

The result? Very "shallow" and thin cake. But surprisingly very, very nice...

Well, the crust got all crumbled up - must have made a mistake in weighing but nice one :). Next time kalau nak buat half portion, must use 6-inch tin!

Then on Sunday, I made pizza specially for my nephew yang dah selalu sangat bertanya sampai akak kesian tengok muka seposen dia. Simple chicken, mushroom and yellow pepper topping. For breakfast some more!

Very generous topping.

Kitties 3 Weeks Old

2012-01-10T13:19:00.007+08:00

The kittens are 3 weeks old now. Mimi agaknya dah fed-up susukan anak-anak dia. So the kittens are always hungry. Now, akak la jadi mak angkat. Every morning and after come back from work, have to give them milk. We'll take proper photos of them when they are 1 month old. Then, have to put up for adoption. Tapi dah sayang...

Aliyah suka je tolong bagi susu.
The orange one is the biggest.
This light brown kittie is so cute.
Bila dah kenyang, mengganas...

Goals for This Year

2012-01-06T13:43:00.003+08:00

I did say I made my resolutions on 1st Muharram. Yup, still striving :). Progressing. Now that the "official" year is here, actually baru nampak yang 12 bulan tu sangat lama and panjang... And it's only the first week of the year. I really pray that whatever hardships we experienced last year will not repeat itself this year.

Some goals this year - I must:

- make 2012 better than 2011. In many, many aspects.

- read more books. It doesn't matter if I recycle as long as I read. I'm now reading 3 books - LOTR at my bedside, Don't Be Sad/Jangan Bersedih at the living room (quite a good read I must say - it says over and over and over again not to think of the past - something I really am not good at but trying very hard) and Travelog Dakwah at the office.

- take care of my health. Must cycle more. Eat right. Hopefully make enough to go get check-ups for all these unexplainable chest pains I've been having.

- treat my little family better, love them more.

- strive for another year for my company. Insyaallah, usaha and minta. Usaha dulu, baru minta!

First New Year Post :)

2012-01-04T12:58:00.002+08:00

Happy 2012! How I spent my new year? The whole day at Izzkin Spa temankan my sister and the rest. Nothing much actually. Siap tertidur atas treatment bed sebab environment yang sangat conducive - very cool with low lights and soothing music.

Now that it's 2012, I can see the whole long 12 months of the year on the calendar and truthfully, it is scary. But have to keep on moving and working and striving and hopefully we'll have a good year this year. I lost one staff - yesterday she came to return the notebook. But we'll still be working together on project basis. Both of us believe that's the best arrangement - for many reasons. I made the decision after pondering and thinking for days and days, and finally did solat istiharah and Allah swt showed the way. Nope, not telling what I dreamed of nanti fatwa baru keluar pulak. Saya memang seorang yang jahil. Sebab itu lah, saya hanya minta pada Allah swt. Kita minta, insyaallah Dia beri.

Aliyah starts school today. For the first time ever since she started school, we didn't accompany her to school. Hubby sent her off this morning as usual. She's in Standard 5 now. A big little girl :).

Nice Treat

2011-12-30T12:31:00.006+08:00

We had a nice treat from Hubby yesterday night - dinner at Equatorial. Aliyah - to compensate for not going anywhere this school holidays, me - "commission" for introducing him to a project :). The food? Obviously good lah.

We kept on going for the grill section - grilled lamb and mushrooms. I don't really fancy lambs but those were so good. I had 3 servings that I can still feel the taste at the back of my throat this morning!

Aliyah digging into her bread pudding with vanilla sauce
The place is still in Christmas mood
So fascinated with the gingerbread counter :)

School's Almost Here

2011-12-29T17:19:00.003+08:00

Time really flies. School holidays almost over. Aliyah will be in Standard 5 next week! The year after she'll be in Standard 6, then Form 1, then Form 2... At times I wish time to just slow down. I always feel she's still a baby...

Aliyah had her hair cut at Izzkin last week. So cute :). She had a manicure the week before... My little girl is such a "girlie". She could lose herself at the spa for hours if I just let her be. Everything there fascinates her.

School stuff? School books ready, stationery ready, school bag use last year's - still very good, new uniforms ready, 1 pair of new shoes - old one also still very good... Yup, all ready except that I totally forgot to wrap her books (is that the correct term? wrap book?). Will do it this weekend.

What Aliyah did this holidays? Nothing much! Nope, no vacation anywhere. Parents busy working. We promised her the next school holidays. She spends most days at the office with us... which from the looks of it, she's OK. As long as she has her stuff with her, she's always OK. We'll be taking her out for a nice dinner this evening - to compensate for her boring holidays.

New haircut. Suits her very well :)

Off-road 2 Days in a Row

2011-12-27T17:19:00.002+08:00

I didn't cycle last week - Hubby went outstation and then everyday hujan. Morning yesterday and today - off-road dengan semangatnya. Yesterday pegi Ldg Bangi, this morning pegi the one next to it - Ldg UKM. I like UKM better - the route less muddy and more matured. Tapi banyak batu pulak. Siap ada ada anak sungai yang air sangat, sangat jernih. Amazing. And good also sebab bike tak kotor sangat. Err... akak tak pernah basuh pun, Hubby yang rajin cuci :). Siap minyak rantai sekali. (You should see our car! Rasanya dah berbulan tak basuh. Tapi basikal hari-hari basuh ok!)

For 1.20hr ride, we covered 13-15kms. Ok la tu sebab off-road. I lost count of the hills we climb. And I am so happy that I no longer stop in the middle of a climb. Dah berjaya get the pace/momentum, so cycle all the way up then baru stop. Most of the time tak stop pun!

This morning, lepas morning ride pegi kerja. Walaupun melepek sikit, tapi siap buat meeting lagi. Dulu-dulu ride pegi office yang cuma 4.5km tu pun dah melepek setengah hari. Such major improvement, for me at least :).

I think I'm beginning to like off-road. It's the environment - the trees, the ground, the fresh air (most of the times la, bau taik lembu selalu juga...), the occasional creek and stream. Nature is so amazing.

Mimi Beranak Lagi!

2011-12-23T16:44:00.004+08:00

Last Friday, on the 16th, Mimi gave birth to another set of kitties. Adoii... 6 kittens! She's now confined at the back. This morning, I went to get laundry, took a peek at the kittens all inside a carrier. She then stood up and touched my hair. Apahal la pulak si Mimi ni? I then took one and put it in the basket. She then went in and tended to the kitty. Mintak tolong ambik kan anak dia rupanya... So I took out all. After a week, they are all very healthy, looks like they have medium hair and some have started to open their eyes.

Very cute kittens. The biggest is the orange & white. One has this light brown colour that I seldom see on cats.
I can't have all these... I believe the cough I've been having for a year now is due to the cats. I might have allergy. So, these will be put up for adoption.
Kittens for adoption anyone?

2nd Round of LOTR Book

2011-12-22T16:41:00.004+08:00

I've finished The Gods of Small Things. Made me depressed. Now, since LOTR trilogy is now permanently played by Aliyah, I decided to take up the book again. The first time was such a pain. I vowed to read the book before the final movie came out. And I did. But there were a lot of things I didn't understand due to the rush. Now I'm just at the early pages - the time when preparations are being made for Bilbo's eleventy-one birthday. (Gosh! Who would have thought to call 111 that!) And so far very good :).

I have yet to get those Murakami books. A new novel is out - IQ84. So thick = 3-in-1. I would have huge hole in my purse if I were to get all of his books I have yet to read. Will see...

The Hobbit trailer is out. It'll be in Dec 2012. Such a long time to wait! I searched for my book but couldn't find it. I must have lent it to someone. Can't remember who. Aliyah watched the trailer and said - "December 2012? Lamanya lagi!". It amazed me that she's interested in these fantasy movies.

Mommy-Aliyah Movie Sunday

2011-12-19T13:20:00.005+08:00

Hubby went off to Kulim yesterday for the 2nd leg of his training. Right after sending him off at my sister's place, Aliyah and me went to Alamanda for - actually tiada arah tujuan. It was still early to go home, nothing much to do at home, don't feel like going home... You get me. I know it's a Sunday and we never go out to any shopping malls on a Sunday, but then, redah saja lah.

So, there we were - amidst the hundreds (ke thousands?) thronging the mall. The aim - to have a drink and then buy Puss in Boots tickets for today's show. But Aliyah wanted to watch yesterday itself, so belilah ticket yg 3rd row from the screen. That shows how bored we were!

Now, Puss in Boots? I didn't like it. But Aliyah enjoyed it. I guess I always have high expectation on everything! I expected it to be at least as good as Shrek. I just don't get it - the history, the quest, the revenge, the hot lover in fur, they just don't tie up together very well.

My only consolation - finally berjaya gobble up Prosperity Burger. Aliyah memang lurve the curly fries.
We had so much time to kill before the movie started - so we go around and around, had tea and cheesecake, then more around and around, then burgers... With 45mins more to kill, we simply sat outside of GSC and Aliyah played games.
There was this bowling session of the magazine Mangga nearby. As we sat, we saw people taking photos, etc. I told Aliyah - those people must be artists that's why there are photographers taking their pictures. Aliyah dengan selambanya - tak nampak macam artis pun, siapa tu Mommy? Hehehe... I told her - I don't know either. Kelasss anak aku kan. Tak kuasa nak layan artis-artis baru yang entah siapa-siapa.
I only recognise a few ex-AF artists - yang plump tu Sahri ke apa namanya, then Kaer. Yang lain-lain tu, selisih bahu pun tak kenal.

One Peculiar Book :)

2011-12-14T14:50:00.003+08:00

About 2-3 years ago, I received the book Travelog Dakwah by Prof Muhd Kamil from my brother. It was to be passed to my father actually, but I asked for permission to read it first - until I finish. Truthfully, I have not finished reading it. I always have it on my desk at the office. And I would read a few pages during lunch break. Then, after some time, I would go back to the earlier pages and read the book again. Then, after some time when the end is near, I would turn back to the earlier pages and start reading again.

You might ask why. I don't know...

It is one peculiar book because it kind of follow your life events. The "me" when I first started reading the book is not the same "me" as I am now. And the "me" who read the pages of the book today will not be the same "me" as I will be tomorrow. So, how I relate to the book at a specific point of time differ. How? Simply said, let's say I have yet to perform the Zohor solat, the reflection I got from reading the book is different from let's say I have performed the solat. Or... reading the book while being angry has a different experience from reading the book while being "redha".

Prof Muhd Kamil's blog has become my favourite reading: Kehidupan Ringkas Tapi Signifikan. There are a lot of "I wish..." reading his writing. Most importantly, reading his writing you notice one thing - he has such beautiful heart. And the heart doesn't lie. He said: "Hanya Allah yang boleh menentukan keikhlasan ini". At such times when I feel so down, when the ugly thought comes nagging and asking to rise and defend myself, when I am accused of being after something that I am not, I now take that advise - Allah sahaja yang tahu keikhlasan seseorang. And I feel better.

LOTR Marathon

2011-12-13T17:13:00.003+08:00

Whatever channels you subscribe on Astro, many, many times you'll find yourself surfing the channels and finding nothing to watch. Seriously... So, starting from 2 weeks ago, Hubby transferred our DVD player downstairs where Aliyah and me have been indulging in LOTR marathon - all 3 movies. And then back again. We are at our 2nd cycle now. It amazed me that Aliyah has quite high standards on the kind of movies or programmes she watches. Nowadays, it's Merlin, now going on the 4th season. I'm so glad she's not the type who watches stupid Malay comedy programmes overloaded on Astro nowadays. She would watch for a while and said - "Bodohnya...".

I'm thinking, I should re-read the LOTR book. Let's see how long I will take to finish it this time around! I'm now finishing re-reading The Gods of Small Things. Yup, no new books. I have yet to go and get me those Haruki Murakami books.

Memang Tak Fit Tapi Salahkan Ayam

2011-12-09T14:40:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, the weather was surprisingly good that we cycled to Sg Buah again. This time, one big round from the river up to the main road to Bkt Unggul and then through the kampung and then back. One session up "Bkt Digi", this time around stopped twice. Bukan tak larat, tapi macam berat! So, I blame it on the heavy lunch of ayam kampung panggang. Hehehe...

Managed to get almost 16kms. Flat road only stopped once for gulps of water. The route by the river not so good due to the heavy rain nowadays. But not bad la for about 1 hour of cycle. If nak lagi jauh kena keluar lagi awal. But then, balik office pun dah almost 6pm. Today, if weather permits, another session. Tomorrow morning, Akak Limah Lambung SPride ajak cycle Ladang Bangi - special session for beginners. Let's see... that would take at least 3hrs. Kesian pulak kat Aliyah. We'll see...

Nasi Ayam Kampung Panggang

2011-12-08T14:33:00.004+08:00

Just came back from a hearty delicious meal - Nasi Ayam Kampung Panggang at Mantin. Sounds far right? Actually, not really. Hubby selalu ride that area and singgah makan there, so hari ni bersungguh-sungguh nak bawak makan sana. Ikut short cut through Nilai 3 and then - sampai! The place - simple gerai, meja & bench kayu. Menu - ayam kampung organik panggang, itik panggang, ikan keli salai... Yang lainnya besides the normal nasi ayam sauces - sos kicap and sos cili, ada sambal cili api. Sedappp... The three of us had nasi ayam, 1 ekor ayam kampung panggang, air tebu 1/2 jug and hot tea = RM25 only!

Very recommended!

Ambik gambar pun senget... Ayam panggang mula-mula order 1/2 je. Tapi terpaksa tambah lagi 1/2 :)

Yang Dicari Akhirnya Berjumpa

2011-12-01T11:40:00.003+08:00

Stumbled upon Borders last weekend - and my jaw almost dropped to the floor. One shelf dedicated to Harumi Murakami books under "Recommended". Just HIS books! I have more than half of them, there are a few more that I've been searching. MPH Alamanda doesn't carry many of his books. Novel Melayu memang banyak la...

So I stood there like a child who found a gingerbread and candy house. Buy one book and get the next one 50%! Adusss... But nope, I didn't swipe my CC. This is not an emergency case. I told myself - next week when I get that payment, I'll come back.

I want that, that, and that... Also, that one and that one.

Your Teacher Must Be Smiling with Pride...

2011-11-29T17:14:00.003+08:00

For all the hours that you didn't pay attention in class, I am so glad that English education has proven to be useful.

Al Fatihah

2011-11-29T12:31:00.003+08:00

Linda's father passed away this morning. I got a call from her at 8.30am. She was on her way to work. We visited her at her parents' house. I guess after seeing so many neighbours and relatives, seeing a friend was such a relief. We hugged. I sat her down and she started talking. I offered my hands, she held them firm and talked. After some time, she stopped talking and we just sat holding hands, real firm for long moments. I guess no words are needed when two best friends simply sit in silence.

Al Fatihah for her arwah father.

One More Very Interesting Knowledge Sharing

2011-11-27T22:43:00.003+08:00

Apparently, the logic of building a rocket is not that difficult.

When we design a rocket, one of the first questions we ask is what do we want the rocket to do? In other words, what mission will the rocket perform? Identifying what mission a rocket will perform helps us understand what characteristics a rocket must have (these are called “mission requirements”). For example, if a rocket’s mission is to carry humans into space, then it will require cabin space for the astronauts, pressurization equipment, and multiple redundancies to ensure safety. Identifying these mission requirements helps us understands the multiple design tradeoffs we need to consider to get to a final design. To get to a final design, a rocket designer must tradeoff three things – size, weight, and power. Going back to our example, the astronaut cabin, pressurization system, and redundant components will add weight to the rocket and will require more power to keep running. More weight and power means we need a larger structure, and probably have to design a rocket with bigger engines that produce more thrust. Let’s explore these different design tradeoffs and considerations. Seriously, I'm actually reading this. Let’s first start with the rocket’s payload. For any type of payload, be it a satellite or astronauts, we must also include additional supporting equipment that acts like an umbilical cord attaching the payload to the main rocket. Nice example. Makes this rocket building thingy sounds like being pregnant. This includes equipment such as certain instruments, gadgets, or recorders that generate and store data to monitor the health and status of the payload throughout the rocket’s flight. All this equipment requires some amount of power, thus establishing the need for an electrical power supply to provide power to the payload. I seriously think the writer really wishes people to understand how a rocket is being built. He's explaining it real slowly. But I'm not sure whether those people can understand it still. If this is a rocket used for war, we may want to have a warhead of high explosives but let us assume, for the time being, that the payload is for peaceful purposes. Ah... a true scientist - building for the betterment of human beings. No Dr Evil. Once the payload is selected, the designer then has to think about the structure that must hold the payload, including the weight of the structure, the size and weight of the rocket engine, and the need for aerodynamic or engine control systems (to control the flight path of the rocket). Are you actually telling me it's this easy to build a rocket? Seriously? The designer also has to consider designing a cooling system to prevent the payload from heating and to ensure the power supply doesn’t overheat the rest of the rocket components. You know, I know some people who need a cooling system stuffed up their asses. Think of your home computer – a fan turns on inside the central processing unit (CPU) to prevent the circuit boards from overheating. A cooling system also adds weight and must be considered in the overall rocket design. Obviously! Making estimates for the weight and sizes of these sub-systems is an important first step because they then give you an idea about how long, wide and tall the rocket system will be. Ok, tell me something I don't already know. We now have a design problem that needs to be solved in an iterative fashion. In other words, let’s say we take our first stab at a design. We aim for designing a lightweight structure with lighter and smaller engines. Because our structure is lightweight, it cannot support the weight of the payload and the smaller engine won’t generate the needed thrust to reach our desired altitude or velocity. Got this, got this! That's why I now ride my bicycle because it doesn't need an engine. So, no such weight! Oh? A bicycle is not a rocket. Right... When this happens, we’ll need to go back to each of the subsystems. We may want to decrease the payload’s weight, or increase the weight of the structure and increase the size of the engine to provide increased structural support and more thrust, respectively.

So, I can say - building a rocket is not rocket science?

Another Very Interesting Knowledge Sharing

2011-11-26T22:00:00.004+08:00

I was a science-stream student with obsession with books and language and writing and photography. My favourite science subject was chemistry. Even though I enjoyed concocting chemicals, observing the colour changes and got headache inhaling vapour clouding the lab, seriously, chemistry doesn't really fit into my big plan. But you might find this piece here interesting.

Bioconversion of lignocellulosic biomass to ethanol is significantly hindered by the structural and chemical complexity of biomass, which makes these materials a challenge to be used as feedstocks for cellulosic ethanol production. Cellulose and hemicellulose, when hydrolyzed into their component sugars, can be converted into ethanol through well established fermentation technologies. However, sugars necessary for fermentation are trapped inside the crosslinking structure of the lignocellulose. Hence, pretreatment of biomass is always necessary to remove and/or modify the surrounding matrix of lignin and hemicellulose prior to the enzymatic hydrolysis of the polysaccharides (cellulose and hemicellulose) in the biomass. Easy there, I am trying hard to lose the cellulite ok! Pretreatment refers to a process that converts lignocellulosic biomass from its native form, in which it is recalcitrant to cellulase enzyme systems, into a form for which cellulose hydrolysis is much more effective. Not the same thing? Oh, my bad. In general, pretreatment methods can be classified into three categories, including physical, chemical, and biological pretreatment. If you are trying to figure out what I'm doing - well, to give you some education you missed at school, duh. The subject of this paper emphasizes the biomass pretreatment in preparation for enzymatic hydrolysis and microbial fermentation for cellulosic ethanol production. Now repeat after me - the world is round, not flat. It primarily covers the impact of biomass structural and compositional features on the pretreatment, the characteristics of different pretreatment methods, the pretreatment study status, challenges, and future research targets. You can run all day and not fall off the edge. An ideal cost-effective pretreatment method might have several characteristics[27,184,185]: (1) maximum fermentable carbohydrate recovery; (2) minimum inhibitors produced from carbohydrate degradation during pretreatment; Yes, the world has so much to offer. (3) low environmental impact; (4) low demand of post-pretreatment processes such as washing, neutralization, and detoxification; Guess you can just stay being typical while I strive to be extraordinary. (5) minimum water and chemical use; (6) low capital cost for reactor; (7) moderately low energy input; Anyway, do you think I look fat? (8) relatively high treatment rate; and (9) production of high value-added by-products. This talk about carbohydrate reminds me of pizza and pasta. Therefore, the future research on pretreatment would be focused on the following areas. Yes, both with extra cheese please. First, reduction of water and chemical use; So, while I'm stuffing my face, can you even understand 0.5% of this article? Second, recovery of carbohydrates and value-added by-products to improve the economic feasibility; I thought so. What a pity. Third, development of clean delignification yielding benefits of co-fermentation of hexose and pentose sugars with improved economics of pretreatment; Some people are just born retarded so I don't blame you. Fourth, fundamental understanding of pretreatment mechanisms and the relationship between the biomass structure features and enzymatic hydrolysis; While other people are conquering the world, you can go back doing what you do best then. Fifth, reduction of the generation of inhibitors such as furfural, 5-HMF and acetic acid which could significantly inhibit enzymatic hydrolysis and fermentation of biomass. And enjoy it while it last. Bioconversion of lignocellulosic biomass to ethanol is significantly hindered by the structural and chemical complexity of biomass, which makes these materials a challenge to be used as feedstocks for cellulosic ethanol production. I repeated the first sentence twice you know - noticed? Of course not. Bioconversion of lignocellulosic biomass to ethanol is significantly hindered by the structural and chemical complexity of biomass, which makes these materials a challenge to be used as feedstocks for cellulosic ethanol production.

Who would have thought biomass can be interesting.

Very Interesting Knowledge Sharing

2011-11-26T17:07:00.004+08:00

I'm seriously into knowledge sharing. Especially for those who find my thought process worthy of public discussion. I find this physics paper quite interesting...

The goal of molecular manufacturing is to build engineerable high-performance products of all sizes, rapidly and inexpensively, with nanoscale features and atomic precision. Molecular manufacturing is the only branch of nanotechnology that intends to combine kilogram-scale products, atomic precision, and engineered programmable structure at all scales. It is no coincidence that molecular manufacturing has gone far beyond other branches of nanotechnology in investigating productive nanosystems, because high-performance nanoscale manufacturing systems are the only way that these goals can be achieved. Building such a product appears to require direct computer control of very small operations. In other words, it needs programmable manufacturing systems capable of acting at the nanoscale. So, you find this interesting? The core of this project is planar assembly: the construction of products by deposition of functional blocks one layer at a time. Planar assembly is a new development in molecular manufacturing theory. It is based on the realization that sub-micron nano-featured blocks are quite convenient for product design as well as manipulation within the nanofactory construction components, and can be deposited quite quickly due to favorable scaling laws. Seriously? The development of planar assembly theory, combined with recent advances in molecular fabrication and synthesis, indicate that it may be time to start a targeted program to develop molecular manufacturing. I hope you have a dictionary with you because I don't think you even understand simple English. Molecular manufacturing emphasizes the use of precise, engineered, computer-controlled, nanoscale tools to construct vast numbers of improved tools as well as products with vast numbers of precise, engineered nanoscale features. It has not been clear how to design and build the first nanoscale tools to start the process of scaleup and improvement, or how easily the operation of many advanced tools could be coordinated. Wouldn't want you to misunderstand, you see... This paper develops a roadmap from today's capabilities to advanced molecular manufacturing systems. A number of design principles and useful techniques for molecular construction via nanoscale machines are discussed. Two approaches are presented to build the first tools with current technology. Incremental improvement from the first tools toward advanced integrated "nanofactories" is explored. So, do you think this molecular thingy bite people? A scalable architecture for an advanced nanofactory is analyzed. The performance of advanced products, and some likely applications, are discussed. Finally, considerations and recommendations for a targeted development program are presented. Are you sure? Would be scary if I were to run into them on the streets. Although most forms of nanotechnology do not pose unfamiliar risks, one advanced field – molecular manufacturing – may present a source of extreme risk due to the implications of the power of its products. Are you still reading? Molecular manufacturing will benefit from multiple advantages that other technologies, including earlier generation nanotechnologies, do not possess. Work toward this form of manufacturing is still in formative stages, but development could rapidly become easier, and it may be achieved with surprising speed once a few basic capabilities are attained. I admire your determination. Rapid, inexpensive, large-scale manufacture of highly advanced products may have several unfortunate consequences, including new classes of WMDs (weapons of mass destruction), unstable arms races, environmental impacts, destructively enabled individuals, social upheaval, and oppressive governance. I'm yawning here... However, the technology is dual-use and also may be highly beneficial. For this and other reasons, patchwork policy solutions will be counterproductive. The goal of molecular manufacturing is to build engineerable high-performance products of all sizes, rapidly and inexpensively, with nanoscale features and atomic precision. Managed to catch a few winks. Molecular manufacturing is the only branch of nanotechnology that intends to combine kilogram-scale products, atomic precision, and engineered programmable structure at all scales. It is no coincidence that molecular manufacturing has gone far beyond other branches of nanotechnology in investigating productive nanosystems, because high-performance nanoscale manufacturing systems are the only way that these goals can be achieved. So, where are we exactly? Building such a product appears to require direct computer control of very small operations. Already? In other words, it needs programmable manufacturing systems capable of acting at the nanoscale. The core of this project is planar assembly: the construction of products by deposition of functional blocks one layer at a time. What will happen if nanoscale were to marry nanoblock? Planar assembly is a new development in molecular manufacturing theory. It is based on the realization that sub-micron nano-featured blocks are quite convenient for product design as well as manipulation within the nanofactory construction components, and can be deposited quite quickly due to favorable scaling laws. Nano nano! Get it? No? Robin Williams? No? The development of planar assembly theory, combined with recent advances in molecular fabrication and synthesis, indicate that it may be time to start a targeted program to develop molecular manufacturing.Molecular manufacturing emphasizes the use of precise, engineered, computer-controlled, nanoscale tools to construct vast numbers of improved tools as well as products with vast numbers of precise, engineered nanoscale features. Sighh... It has not been clear how to design and build the first nanoscale tools to start the process of scaleup and improvement, or how easily the operation of many advanced tools could be coordinated. I should award you with a medal. This paper develops a roadmap from today's capabilities to advanced molecular manufacturing systems. A number of design principles and useful techniques for molecular construction via nanoscale machines are discussed. For sheer determination. Two approaches are presented to build the first tools with current technology. Incremental improvement from the first tools toward advanced integrated "nanofactories" is explored. And a complete waste of time. A scalable architecture for an advanced nanofactory is analyzed. The performance of advanced products, and some likely applications, are discussed. Time for tea! Finally, considerations and recommendations for a targeted development program are presented. Although most forms of nanotechnology do not pose unfamiliar risks, one advanced field – molecular manufacturing – may present a source of extreme risk due to the implications of the power of its products. That was delicious! Still reading? Molecular manufacturing will benefit from multiple advantages that other technologies, including earlier generation nanotechnologies, do not possess. Work toward this form of manufacturing is still in formative stages, but development could rapidly become easier, and it may be achieved with surprising speed once a few basic capabilities are attained. Did you notice I copied and pasted this text twice? Rapid, inexpensive, large-scale manufacture of highly advanced products may have several unfortunate consequences, including new classes of WMDs (weapons of mass destruction), unstable arms races, environmental impacts, destructively enabled individuals, social upheaval, and oppressive governance. I bet you didn't! However, the technology is dual-use and also may be highly beneficial. For this and other reasons, patchwork policy solutions will be counterproductive.

I hope you learned a thing or two!

New Year Plans Come Early

2011-11-25T13:05:00.003+08:00

1st Muharram is this Sunday. A warm new year wish from me. May the new year brings much happiness, health and rezeki to all. I've kick-started plans for next year. Despite having 2 projects at the same time, we are still in survival stage. The struggle is not over. 2012 is going to be an uncertain time for all. There will be a lot going on next year - things that will affect people like me - general election, economic uncertainty... One thing I'm sure - training will be affected. I believe budget for training will be reduced. As we have experienced 3 years ago. Immediate plan - training will be secondary next year. Well, unless I can churn out several new topics not yet offered in the market. And still... nothing is sure.

My only consolation is that I have secured projects for us at least until March. But that is not so far off, so efforts to source for new projects must start now. I pray the current two we are pursuing will bear fruits. That can cover us until mid-year. And one idea I got after handling the URS workshop last month is now making its way. The original idea has been dormant for months. We didn't even resubmit our proposal for the grant. I just feel it's not worth the effort especially after reading about the experience of a company who finally got the grant after one year - by then the product has been completed and won numerous awards. Now, I finally found a way to kick-start it - in small versions first. Will see how it goes. But the way to go is definitely to have a product. That's what we are striving to achieve.

Major Improvement!

2011-11-25T10:49:00.005+08:00

That bukit I cycled last week. The one that I stopped 5 times. The one that was 45degrees steep and 90meters long. The one they call Bukit Digi because there's a Digi pencawang next to it. Yesterday I revisited it and I only stopped - once! Major major improvement! Thank you to Sdr Muzz for "donating" his handle bar. My old one was a bit heavy. This new one is very light and easier to handle. Not much difference on flat road but on such steep hill - baru tau its true capability. Little things matter I always say.

That's the route. I stopped about 3/4 of the way for 1-2mins. The 1/4 balance was actually not so bad. I think I'm getting the hang of this stuff. Total ride was almost 13kms. Enough for a short exercise.
The weather was excellent yesterday. But it drizzled a bit along the way and then stopped. It just felt good to feel the fresh air and the droplets of water on my face. That 1 hour of escape from the harsh realities of life was really amazing.

Today's plan? If the weather is good, maybe flat road. Must explore a place to cycle at least 20kms of nice kampung road with not many cars.

Alhamdulillah... No 2

2011-11-24T15:14:00.003+08:00

Alhamdulillah because Aliyah has gotten much much better. Such strong little girl. Must have been a very painful experience. No more pills for her.

Alhamdulillah because it's now school holidays. Can spend more time with her, even though at the office. A nice break from ironing her school uniforms.

Alhamdulillah for whatever things I might not be thankful for. Or I might forget to thank. Or I might missed to thank. Thank you. Doa is my best gift for you.

Alhamdulillah for some experiences with people lately. My presentation last few days was not so good - we were not given fair chance to present. I am very sure we didn't get the project. Lesson learned - I hope there's a lesson learned but seriously how can one predict the situation of a sebutharga presentation? The panel you would meet? Their expectations? But a few days later an ex-colleague contacted to offer an opportunity. So, all is not loss. Hopefully.

I know it's still early - year end is a month's away. But time really flies. I just noticed yesterday when I watched AFC. Jamie Oliver has this new Christmas program and I told myself I just watched the show where he cooked Christmas feast with his girls last year. Another Christmas is coming. And that means new year. Another year of uncertainty.

If you ask me whether I'm tired of running this on my own, sometimes yes. Many times I asked myself whether this really is a good choice in life. If I had only taken another route where things are certain, what kind of life might I lead? People say challenges are bittersweet. If only I love desserts.

Alhamdulillah...

2011-11-24T11:24:00.002+08:00

My father was discharged from hospital yesterday. He spent about a week at Hospital Serdang due to low blood platelet. The results finally came yesterday and he's cleared - he's healthy. Alhamdulillah... I pray Allah swt gives him good health and strength to perform ibadah.

On another note, someone is in hot soup. To me - "diam itu lebih baik...".

First Off-road Ride

2011-11-22T15:00:00.005+08:00

Finally, my first off-road ride. Last Sunday morning, Hubby and I head off to Ladang Bangi. His gang went to Sg Long - a very difficult track. He'd rather take me for my maiden journey :).

Actually, not so bad even though the route was muddy due to the rain. The little Sg Bangi running across the palm plantation looks so clean and "presentable". I guess, a dip in it won't be so bad! Lots of tough small hills to climb and the ride down were very slippery. But such nice ride in the clean and fresh air.

We only ride for about 8kms in the plantation. My bad right knee started to give me problems. Next time must wear knee-guard. All-in-all = 20kms ride on-road and off-road. Nice one!

Little Sg Bangi on the right. Surprisingly clean and clear macam kat Sg Tekala. Tapi kalau tengok yang lalu kat Pekan Bangi... macam2 bendasing terapung!
Tengah berusaha keras naik bukit... I gave up once - after 4-5 of such bukit. Terpaksa sorong gak sikit. Tapi kalau sorong lagi penat and takut cramp. So, kayuh juga...

Putus Napas Ku...

2011-11-18T11:47:00.003+08:00

Akak dah start ride balik. Walaupun tak consistent dgn alasan yang sangat munasabah iaitu - musim hujan - tapi yang penting bike baru datang dengan semangat yang baru. Hehehe... So, baru 3 kali tapi seriously feels so good. The latest one - instead of joining SPride Muslimah kawan-kawan lady riders - sebab rasa macam tak confident nak ride 30kms tiba-tiba dengan stamina yang berada di tahap sangat minimum. Bukan takut basikal pancit. Takut napas pancit.

So, Hubby dengan baiknya membawak akak ke Kg Sg Buah. Such a beautiful kampung - not many cars, fresh air, nice view, just heavenly... Tapi didera ride naik bukit yang mendongak 45degrees dekat 90meters cycle to the top. Adoi, rasa putus napas nih. I stopped 5 times throughout and actually Hubby kata OK sebab dia dulu masa first time pun stop 5 kali jugak :).

At the top. Masa naik tu memang rasa dah give up. Rasa nak je turun dan sorong je bike naik atas. But I told myself - banyak lagi cabaran kat dunia ni yang I dah go through, takkan naik bukit yang tak berapa nak tinggi ni I nak give up kan? So, terus dan terus dan akhirnya sampai kat atas... Fuhhh...

Kesian Aliyah...

2011-11-17T13:25:00.003+08:00

Aliyah started her school holidays sooner - on MC. She complained some rashes on her stomach and back on Tuesday night. Those looked so severe I scolded her for waiting so long to tell me. The next morning we took her to the clinic and apparently she got "kayap" or shingles or herpes zoster. Orang Melayu kata kayap ular. The doctor said it's virus, most probably dormant from her previous chicken pox. One fine day, when the time is right ie when the body is low in immunity, the virus will come out in the form of shingles.

The rashes look exactly like chicken pox but more grouped together. So now Aliyah is on strict medication - anti-virus pill every 4.5hours. So, even at night I have to wake her up to get her to take the pill. She couldn't sleep much last night, today she started to feel the pain. I have to cancel all my meetings to attend to her. Kesian sangat tengok even though she looks braver than she feels. I'm very sure she's in real pain.

Taking a nap at the office. I set my alarm every 4.5 hours for her medication...

Izzkin Beauty Spa

2011-11-14T15:11:00.007+08:00

My nephew & GF officially opened their spa on 11/11/11. Nice date to start a business. We went there to visit that afternoon and Aliyah became their first manicure customer.

Ekin is very professional. Punyalah sedap kena urut tangan, Aliyah tidur before 9pm that night.
The spa is only for ladies. But married couples/families can book a session to themselves. Hubby try masuk sauna :)
It's an all-in-one spa - including hair saloon.

11.11am at 11/11/11

2011-11-11T12:10:00.002+08:00

Someone posted this on FB - asking where were you and what were you doing at 11.11am 11/11/11. Don't get me wrong, I'm just trying to mark this in my life history so that I can reflect on it later.

At 11.11am 11/11/11, I was at our office's little surau, performing solat dhuha and then one round of yassin. Sampai terlepas alarm I set to fetch Aliyah from school. Alhamdulillah... something good to remember. However, if it is 2 hours later I might actually write - at a shopping complex trying for a blouse :)

Cont of Of Nothing Much

2011-11-10T13:26:00.003+08:00

I'm replacing this posting. I found it to lead to different interpretations. And sadly, it led to a negative analysis of an ibadah to Allah swt. Astaghfirullah...

Hanya Allah swt dan aku sahaja yang tahu apa yang diniatkan di dalam hati semasa mengangkat takbir. Hanya Allah swt dan aku sahaja yang tahu keikhlasan hati semasa meminta petunjuk. Hanya Allah swt dan aku sahaja yang tahu pilihan yang ingin aku dibuat. Hanya Allah swt dan aku sahaja yang tahu sama ada air mata yang membasahi sejadah itu ikhlas atau tidak. Hanya Allah swt dan aku sahaja yang tahu apa yang diminta semasa tangan diangkat dalam berdoa. Hanya Allah swt dan aku sahaja yang tahu... Jadi, siapalah kita untuk menganalisa solat orang lain?

It is a mistake to share my thoughts, I must be careful in the future, but it shouldn't be the reason to take the 2 sentences of experience and mock it. Astaghfirullah... I take it as a lesson well learned. Semoga Allah swt ampunkan segala dosa-dosa kita semua.

Jom kita doa - "Ya Tuhan kami, kami telah menganiaya diri kami sendiri, dan jika Engkau tidak mengampuni kami dan memberi rahmat kepada kami, niscaya pastilah kami termasuk orang-orang yang merugi."

Amin...

Belated Birthday Gift!

2011-11-09T15:30:00.005+08:00

Hubby sent my bike for service during the Raya holidays. Yesterday it came back - with a new frame! My blue bike was sleek but a bit on the heavy side - 15kg in total. Sesuai for beginners (hah, sejak bila akak jadi pro? Hehe...). Hubby apparently have been saving up since February to by me a new frame - a white Orbea - 11.9kg. Much much lighter and faster.
Now I got no excuse not to ride!

Siap letak ribbon lagi :) Along with the bike is a new silver helmet. Also new is the gear - 9 speed.
The old XDS frame. For sale to any who's interested. Macam brand new lagi. Well maintained by Hubby :)

Song: Permaisuriku - Jay Jay

2011-11-04T11:12:00.004+08:00

Dah lama cari lagu ni. One of the most romantic Malay songs ever. Especially since Jay Jay yang nyanyi. Kalau hubby ku nyanyi untuk akak... Hmmm...

Permaisuriku - Jay Jay

Tika renungi malamku
Bersama tirai perindu
Potret permaisuriku

Lenamu didakapanku
Inginku belai rambutmu
Saat malam malammu

Walau kembara ku meredah alam maya
Kan ku pertahan garis cinta kita

Oh
Ku hancur dikala tak bersama
Kau yang ku cinta
Impi rinduku disaat mesra
Oh kasih

Oh
Terbina rona kota bahgia
Permata dijiwa
Oh kernamu

Lautan duri ku tempuh
Demi sucinya cintamu
Tak ku hiraukan waktu

Ampunkan kesalahanku
Ku pinjam raut wajahmu
Hanya kau yang kurindu

Of Nothing Much, Really

2011-11-02T16:24:00.002+08:00

Nothing much except for the same old problems and issues. After some time, I really don't feel much concern about it anymore. Whatever... I believe all these years I have done my part. Maybe now it is someone else's job to take over. Do I miss the good old days? Of course I do. If not, how do you explain all these dreams I've been having. I dream of them at least a couple of times a week. I was asked - why do you alone get all these dreams amongst us? I guess because I am close and I used to be the one always visiting and cooking for them especially mid-week. And I used to be the first one to arrive if something happened.

If my heart broke to pieces, I'm not trying to mend it. At times anger crept in - but then who's to blame? The pampering of a child who's suppose to leave the nest and take care of himself? Or the parasite who's sucking up all the juices? Seriously, again, I don't really feel much anymore. It was a choice that has been forewarned. If some supernatural powers were at hand, well, maybe. I personally feel it was a bad choice. By good parents. But the choice has been made and the consequences are evident. All of us have just got to live with it, in our own ways.

Does that make some of us bad people? I really don't know. On the surface, obviously. But after years and years of love and care and suddenly stepping back - there must be a fairly good reason. People do talk but then do they help me when I'm being dumped in a hole? Obviously not. So those who talk have no impact at all in my life. And they can continue talking. For that's what people do.

On the inside, I believe we are still good people. We pray always for the well beings of the two that we love - the doa, recitations and tears after solat, the few cents we put in donation boxes hoping the pahala goes to them (well, I can only afford the cents while this big bro donates cash!)... And in my case, the dreams of them. I won't be having those dreams if I don't love and care...

Kittens Tinggal Eecah

2011-10-27T11:28:00.002+08:00

Our three little kittens now tinggal seekor je. Miki aka Jerry aka Tommy dah diadopt oleh Bob & Mas - our neighbour belakang rumah. Julie pulak dah diadopt oleh our "besan" - another neighbour. Now tinggal Eecah je and in just days nampak mcm dah sangat besar. She's not so friendly actually but now we can see she actually is cute. Dulu-dulu comot.

Eecah is just 2 months tapi punya la besar. Kalau tidur, memang tak sedar apa dah...

Aliyah's Birthday "Bash"

2011-10-21T12:40:00.007+08:00

Our little family had this little birthday "bash" for Aliyah. We bought her a Game Boy - with some contribution from her Mak Long and Abang Ijam.

Blueberry cake for my little angel.

Sesi memotong cake...
Dinner - mee goreng Mommy (bukan Mamak).
Dengan Game Boy nya...

It's Aliyah's Birthday Today!

2011-10-19T14:58:00.002+08:00

My little girl is 10 today! How time flies... Will be going out early to buy her present. She's a gadget girl - anything electronic is fine with her. Alhamdulillah things are getting better for us, even though still too early but at least we can celebrate her birthday. But the party has to be deferred until she finishes her exams.

Berworkshop

2011-10-19T14:42:00.004+08:00

This new project has started to gain its momentum. Yesterday we conducted a workshop to get requirement study. Hubby was the master facilitator. I know he can handle the group of Govt reps with his quirky jokes. And the feedback on the evaluation form - mostly I saw "very good" :). But it has been quite some time since I did a training - even though yesterday jadi facilitator utk one group je tapi penatnya... adooii...

Group 3 yg I handle ada rep yg sgt active with ideas & feedback. Would be good if can implement his ideas for the new portal. My only comment to him was - "If content ada Encik Zamri, memang boleh buat!!!".
The rest of the participants... My team led the whole workshop with Hubby at the helm and the rest of us handling 3 out of the 4 groups. Good start for us. Hopefully, by Dec when our contract ends, we have proven our value to the project and get our contract extended :)

My Mother

2011-10-11T12:55:00.003+08:00

Had the privilege of taking care of my mother at the hospital for 2 nights last weekend. She will be discharged today.

I pray that she can walk again, even with aid. I pray she will be able to take care of herself, even just the basic needs. I pray she will be able to perform her solat again, even while sitting.

I pray for her health and her happiness.

Hubby's Entry to Four O

2011-10-01T21:25:00.002+08:00

Hubby's turn to enter the Four O yesterday. But have not really celebrated. Morning I had to go to that favourite agency for a meeting. Brought along Aliyah because we are spending our weekend at my Kak Long's. Taking some time off from my neighbourhood. Lagipun Hubby busy with his bike rides...

We have bought him a present :)

Life - a Cycle

2011-09-30T22:14:00.004+08:00

There is this predictability in life. At a certain point of time, there will develop a certain habit or hobby. This involvement will gradually start to consume things - time, interest, etc. Then, this habit or hobby will reach its peak, when nothing else matters except for that particular habit or hobby. Everything will evolve around this habit or hobby and it will start to interfere with lots of things - work, relationship, etc. Then, a certain distraction will start to develop, which I might or might not know of. And then, something will happen and the habit or hobby will start to fade out.

And after a period of time, the cycle will start again.

My stand - after all that has happened before - I don't really care anymore.

It takes a lot of traumatic experience for the heart to become unconcerned.

Mimi's Kitties - Updates

2011-09-28T14:21:00.007+08:00

The kitties are already one month old. So cute and naughty. Rasa macam bela anak kecik pulak kat rumah. Now when I'm in the kitchen or doing laundry must always be careful. Sebab they like to hover around my legs. Takut terpijak!

We plan to give away two for adoption. Too many to take care off, nanti rumah jadi huru-hara. Anybody interested can contact me :). Anyway, fyi we have changed their names.

Female: Eecah @ Aishah. This is the smallest of all. Mula2 Aliyah bagi nama "Luna" but then she said cute macam Aishah anak Mak Ngah dia! Hehehe...

Female: Julie. Second biggest. Macam Catwoman. The only one that has not started eating yet.
Male: Miki. Mula2 Hubby bagi nama Kimi [Raikkonen]. Memang laju pun! But then susah sikit nak sebut. He's the first to eat, the biggest and fastest. But his legs a bit cacat - macam weak. Hope he'll get better or adapt to the deformity. Still - very cute.

Residence Raya Open House

2011-09-26T17:43:00.007+08:00

A big thank you to Earna of Residence @ Uniten for inviting our big group to the hotel's open house on the 22nd of September. Residence hotel ni memang generous. Every year we get invitation :). The food - mostly sangatlah excellentnya. I got addicted to the lontong concoction - nasi impit lontong yang authentic balut daun pisang, kuah lodeh, sambal sotong kering, sayur jawa yang sangat yummy with huge fresh prawns and for my second helping - rendang itik. Balik rumah dengan sangat puas hati...

Aliyah, Linda & her Hubby Faizul. Aliyah dapat her favourite food - Japanese.
Our new director Ejat with Ekin. Insyallah akan jadi business partner :)
The whole gang. Termasuklah Caspian yang dah lama tak jumpa. My two other staff tak join - rumah jauh!

Belated Birthday to Meee...

2011-09-23T14:35:00.002+08:00

Yup, I celebrated my entry to the big 40 last 20th September. No celebration. We just started a project and that day was the kick-off meeting. Financially pun tengah merundum ni. Aliyah made me a big red card with the words - "Sorry tahun ni tak ada hadiah". Hehehe... Love you lots anyway. Hubby sent me a poem - the kind of poem that he used to write years ago :). Love you lots too.

My in-laws threw me and Hubby a surprise birthday "party" the 2nd week of Raya. That Saturday, my youngest SIL called saying they are coming over before going back to Melaka. A few minutes later, my MIL called saying Angah's family are also coming over but just cook rice because they will bring over lauk-lauk. After Hubby came back from his ride, the other 2 BIL also called saying they're coming over. Call that an impromptu Hari Raya Open House! Just that I only prepared the venue :). After makan-makan, they brought out a cake for both of us. So sweet :). And finally that night, the last SIL came over.

My thoughts with the now big four O? I just feel blessed. So blessed in fact. All these challenges I've been facing, even though painful, but led to beautiful outcomes. The outcomes may not be monetary, but they make me stronger, calmer, and I hope being transformed into a better person. Someone once said, "Allah duga orang yang terpilih sahaja...". And I'm glad I am the chosen one. And after all the hardships and tears and God only knows what, alhamdulillah things have started to get better. I have managed to secure a project to last us insyaallah for the next one year. And this morning, my favourite agency called saying our proposal has been accepted by their management. Alhamdulillah...

Cockroach vs Parang-Yielding Lady

2011-09-22T13:34:00.003+08:00

The night before my encounter with the parang-yielding lady, I was watching TV at my sister's place while Aliyah was at the dining table playing games on my notebook. Suddenly my sister grabbed the spray and sprayed something on the wall. It happened to be a huge cockroach (or so I thought - with me all cockroaches are huge!). The cockroach flew up the wall and then dropped behind the cabinet. Aliyah, who was sitting directly below the cockroach, cowed a bit, while I simply jumped to my feet and dashed to the door.

I am thinking of my reactions to the encounters with the cockroach and the parang-yielding lady. Know what, I will risk my life for my beloved daughter anytime. At the Mamak restaurant, despite my trembling hands, I leaned over to my daughter grabbing her chair anticipating any crazy actions the lady might take. I was prepared to push my daughter under the table and face the parang myself. I had all that mentally planned in my head.

But under the attack of a huge big flying cockroach - Aliyah dear, Mommy is so very sorry. You would have to fend for yourself!

Close Encounter

2011-09-18T11:08:00.003+08:00

God, my hands are still shaking...

I'm now spending the weekend at my Kak Long's place. Aliyah has been staying with her since Wednesday. It's a week's holiday for her due to UPSR exams and we thought it's better for her to spend her time with her Mak Long rather than being left at the office while we go for meetings.

Anyway, my sister, Aliyah and I went to have roti canai at Syed's just now. It was already past 10am, so not many people were there. While eating, I saw this old Indian lady with very long hair (which she draped across her shoulders that made it looked like she was wearing a shawl) going to the counter to order and pay for her takeaway. The counter was just next to us. What startled me was that she had a parang under her armpit, like she was casually carrying an umbrella.

My heart skipped a beat. I slowly leaned over to Aliyah to put my arms on the back of her chair because Aliyah was closest to the lady. A man walked past, saw the lady with the parang and gave a shocked look. I signaled to the manager and pointed to the lady. The guy quietly signaled back saying she was harmless. But my sister and I were very disturbed and scared. My fear was really for Aliyah's safety. Who knows what this lady could do? She could just turn around and swing her parang around and the closest to her was Aliyah. The only thing I could do was recite ayat Qursi over and over asking for God's protection.

After she talked to the cashier, she went over to the roti canai making place and chatted with the cook. I think she was a regular at the place hence why the manager was not so worried. But still, she had a parang with her and that made her a dangerous person! We quickly paid and went off, and saw that the lady also walked off the opposite direction. A police patrol car drove past but we were busy looking out for the lady we couldn't signal in time.

I must say it was one hell of a scary experience. You never know what this kind of encounter might lead to. My thoughts - those bad things you read in the newspapers, about some parang-yielding mentally-unstable people going amok might actually start with such "harmless" encounter. I thank Allah swt nothing happened.

Of Things Lately

2011-09-17T23:07:00.003+08:00

Things have been a mixed of emotions lately.

Work wise, alhamdulillah, things have started to get better. We worked hard, pray and doa hard, and finally projects and opportunities are coming our way. Some opportunities are even unexpected - a letter from East Coast inviting us to a sebutharga, Hubby's bike ride comrade asking him whether we can improve his agency's website. It is still early but at least this new project we are starting next week will pay for our and our staff's salary at the very least till end of the year. I thank God for that. Maybe it is also a sign. The moment I got that person's name off my company share, rezeki started to come in. However, in my prayers, I always say "redha" for all the challenges and hardships we have been facing. It brought us closer to Allah swt for sure.

Family wise, it is now a sad episode actually. Certain things happen and it is not what we wish to "embark" on but something we had to do. The only thing we can do now is to pray and doa for my parents' well-being. Daily we perform solat hajat and sedekah ayat Qursi to them. Semoga mereka sentiasa dirahmati Allah swt, semoga mereka sentiasa dilindungi dari sebarang perbuatan khianat jin dan manusia... I believe that one fine day the truth will be revealed.

Tabby the Kitten

2011-09-09T16:42:00.006+08:00

This is Tabby - the kitten who came to us one Ramadhan night. When we first took him home, he was soaking wet, shivering, with bloated stomach, protruding bones and fungus on his ears, nose and head. Credit to Hubby who diligently bathed and put minyak gamat, plus 2 visits to the Vet. Now, he is so naughty, so manja, so mischievous.

When we first took him home...

One month later... very clean and healthy. He is like a "replica" of Kiki.
Main kat garden.
Tengah menyorok from Boboi.

Mimi & Kitties

2011-09-06T14:36:00.006+08:00

Here are pix of Mimi & her babies. Their names? Arthur, Morgana & Merlin. Aliyah tengah gila tengok Merlin the series.

Day 2: Baru 2 hari tapi dah nampak besar.
Last Saturday. This is the one Aliyah named - Morgana.
This morning... Ok gak si Mimi ni jaga anak...
This is Merlin. The smallest and most comot.
My favourite and the biggest - Arthur aka Wolf Boy.

Selamat [Belated] Hari Raya

2011-09-05T11:40:00.003+08:00

A warm Selamat Hari Raya wish from me. Maaf zahir batin. Tak sempat nak wish last week. This year my little family raya kat Melaka first. Then back to Bangi on second hari raya. We didn't get to go anywhere. My parents are not so well. It was my turn to help out when the others went back. So, kerja, kerja, kerja...

Then, back home for another round of cooking - for 2 days in a row. This year our neighbourhood block agak bersemangat beraya. The neighbours came over, then we went over, then to another house, then they came over pulak... The next night pun sama. But quite enjoyable I must say :). And since our dining hall is also the kitchen, must make the kitchen clean and spotless. I hope I lost some weight over the past days!

Anyway, personally, it has been a very good Ramadhan for me. I pray I can continue the routine this month and more months to come.

Mimi Gave Birth!

2011-08-26T11:30:00.003+08:00

Subuh this morning I heard loud tapping noises from the back room upstairs where we put Mimi - isolated her in Aliyah bathroom until she gives birth. She wanted to go out. She then rushed out and went under the bed sniffing here and there. Aliyah's old baby mattress fell down under the bed and I told Mimi - "Nak beranak kat atas tu pun boleh!". Then I closed the bedroom door.

This morning, I went to feed her and found she actually has given birth - relaxing on the baby mattress nursing her babies. I saw 3 little kittens - mostly black with whites. Black and white! More black than white! Adoii...

Tak apa lah... Hope she can take care of the kittens.

Now there are 6 in the house. I have yet to tell my story about another kitten we adopted an orange tabby Aliyah named - Tabby. He looks exactly like Kiki masa baby. One rainy night this Ramadhan we heard meowing of a kitten very near to our house. Aliyah and me went out to investigate with a torchlight. It was still drizzling and Aliyah said there's a kitten under the car opposite our house. I went and called it out, and it actually came out. I took it to our porch, give it some food and it ate like it's starving. Hubby asked around but nobody claimed it. Now, he's permanently residing at our house. Very naughty. I guess he's a Kiki replacement. Same fascination with soft toys...

No pictures yet. Soon.

Almost There

2011-08-23T15:48:00.002+08:00

This mess I'm in will, insyaallah, be over soon. I'm buying that person's share of my company. And then things will be back to normal as before.

And I believe rezeki adalah anugerah Allah swt. And I will continue praying.

The Best Ramadhan Thus Far...

2011-08-18T13:41:00.002+08:00

I think this has been the best Ramadhan thus for - for my entire life. Perhaps the challenges and hardships I'm currently facing has its blessing in disguise. I am more at peace and calm. And I love the feeling of craving to perform the solat sunat.

Such a beautiful month.

Two Books - at the Same Time

2011-08-11T11:47:00.004+08:00

I put aside re-reading "Sophie's World" (which still proves to be a difficult book to finish) in favour of this old book - "Liar's Poker" - which also proves to be a difficult book to finish because of the dog-eat-dog world of the US stock market. I can never admire such profession of making one rich or bankrupt in matter of seconds.

My long talk about fantasy books with Megat H to a meeting a few weeks ago made me dig back my old books. At one point during my uni years, I was crazy about fantasy books. Now I'm re-reading "Servant of the Empire" - the 2nd in the Empire trilogy by Raymond E Fiest and Janny Wursts. The book was one I rented from an outlet at Subang Parade (my favourite rent-a-book shop) and never returned. After reading about a quarter of the book, it just doesn't feel right. I need the first book! My online search found the book no longer available at MPH. So, I Googled and finally managed to get this PDF copy, which I'm sure was a text scanned version as certain words are missing or misspelled.

So, now I'm reading "Daughter of the Empire" on my laptop and at night "Servant of the Empire" in bed. Next will be "Mistress of the Empire", which I remember is not as exciting as the first 2 books. I have it on my bookshelf. Another one I never returned!

I wonder if that rent-a-book shop still exists at Subang Parade. I so love that shop. If university libraries never appeal to me, that shop was a dream library. It was quiet, dark (under the stairs), with wooden bookshelves, smelled like old books with a nice owner. I had a few good chats with the owner about books while I sat cross-legged on the floor with an armful of books I wanted, mentally calculating how many I could rent based on the few bills I had in my purse. All for the joy of reading :)

Gotong Royong Cat Bilik

2011-08-08T14:15:00.003+08:00

We had a gotong royong session at my parents' place to paint two rooms of the house - Hubby, Nizam, Zura and me. For amateurs, the end result looked quite ravishing :).

Nizam - for someone yang tak pernah pegang roller, kira ok la. Boleh la cari makan!

And as a reward, we had a scrumptious iftar meal of lauk kampung cooked by my BIL Abang Din who went back to Pasar Sari Temerloh that morning - masak tempoyak ikan patin, masak sambal cendawan kukur, gulai daging kerbau... Excellent!

Home Happenings

2011-08-04T13:22:00.004+08:00

Let's see...

We rearranged the stuff of our house. Since we now have bicycles that cannot be simply be left outside (nanti orang curik!), we have been putting the bicycles inside in front of the main door (which we actually seldom open because we normally use the side sliding doors). We finally decided to change the layout of the furniture to suit the space for bicycles. So, the weekend before puasa we got to work.

The study has been moved to the back room. Aliyah has proven to be very independent in doing her homework, so we don't really have to watch over her shoulders. Now, the TV, DVD player and PS2 are now moved to Aliyah's room - to the corner that used to house her toys. Nowadays, her toys are permanently in containers. No more Barbies and stuff. A better place to put the TV since she can play with her friends in her own room. The sofa bed at the back room is now at the previous study. Very cool place especially in the afternoon. The bicycle space and the yellow sofa in front of the storeroom now switched places. Such a huge change of layout it took us the whole day!

Tempat duduk2 menunggu waktu buka puasa...

Our cat Mimi is pregnant. Aiyoo... I calculated, we might be getting our cucu2 in 2 weeks time.

Mimi ni manja dgn Aliyah je.

Asam Pedas Ikan Pari

2011-08-02T16:04:00.006+08:00

Asam pedas ikan pari - our main dish for iftar on 1st day of Ramadhan. And I suspect will be the dish for quite a number of days in the month just like last year. It's Aliyah's favourite. However, both of us are not really a fan. Tapi makan tu boleh lah...

So, yesterday after work, Aliyah said she wanted me to cook ikan pari. Aisey, akak ni malas betul lah nak masak ikan ni. Bukan apa, selalu tak jumpa ikan yang fresh. Tapi yesterday rezeki Aliyah, dapat beli ikan pari yang agak OK. So, memasak asam pedas lah akak...

Bawang semua tumbuk ok... Tak yah lah masuk blender kalau tak sampai segenggam...
Dah siap masak dalam periuk. Demi anak tersayang. I don't really call this asam pedas. Masak asam is more like it.

1 Ramadhan

2011-08-01T15:19:00.002+08:00

It's 1st Ramadhan finally. A blessed Ramadhan to all. So far so good. Work as usual. No scheduled meetings for the next few weeks - for now lah. I pray this blessed month will bring us good fortune.

Baju Kurung Cotton for Kids New Stock

2011-07-28T11:24:00.002+08:00

We have added quite a lot of new stocks of baju kurung cotton for kids:
- Stok Promosi (sizes from 1 - 7) - stock clearance
- Stock Baru (sizes for 6 months - 2 yrs)
- Stock Baru (sizes for 2-3 yrs)
- Stock Baru (sizes for 4-5 yrs)
- Coming Soon (in the making - sedang dijahit)

Check them out at our FB page :)

The McDreamy Smile

2011-07-25T16:19:00.003+08:00

Dulu-dulu crazy about Grey's Anatomy. Siap download all the episodes sampai penuh my external hard drive. Patutnya buat backup working files. At one point had to make one hard decision, so I deleted all the episodes. Mana lagi penting kan? Of course lah working files.

Anyway, watched one episode last weekend. I actually dah tak follow sangat now. But that episode made me remember one of the reasons why I was so crazy about the show. It's McDreamy's smile. Not any other ordinary smile, you see. It's the kind of smile that he gives as a husband to his wife.

That episode, he just woke up from sleep in the morning to go to work while his wife just came home to catch on her sleep. He got up, closed the window shutters (so that Mer can sleep in the dark - sighh... small sayang gestures), turned back to look at Mer (who had fallen asleep) and smiled. The kind of loving smile that a husband gives no matter how crazy, eccentric, irritating, clumsy, or nonsensical a wife is. The kind of smile that says - you might be a bit goofy but I love you no matter what.

Something like this... but not quite.

Good Storytelling

2011-07-21T12:46:00.002+08:00

We were invited to present at a knowledge sharing session yesterday. Topic - KM. Venue - the agency managing the city opposite where Hubby used to work. I didn't present - Hubby and Hajar did. My point? I thought that was one of our best presentations.

I have always tried to do things differently from other people. And I have always stressed to my team that our strength is our experience and expertise. We can never win against any established companies if we follow their approach - listing out past high-profile projects, showing impressive demos, etc. Technology is always secondary. What's important is how the technology is used.

Thus the importance of good storytelling - of how technology is used for the betterment of things, showing examples and ideas, opening people's minds of how things should be implemented - instead of being awed by superficial demo presentation.

The feedback from the organiser - the information flow was very good, they understood and gained a lot from our session. As Hubby remarked - as KM should be :).

Most importantly, the trust is there.

Tak sia-sia bertekak pasal presentation flow the day before!

Mommy Koi Died

2011-07-20T12:30:00.002+08:00

Our biggest koi named "Mommy" died last Sunday. I found it at the bottom of the pond. While I can't say I have feelings for pet fish, it was quite sad to see it lifeless. It was one of the earliest 3 that we bought for the pond and became the biggest of all. Farewell. It has been therapeutic watching it swim in the pond.

Farewell "Mommy" koi. That's Mimi busybodying herself.

Harry Potter - The End

2011-07-16T12:19:00.004+08:00

Yes, watched it. Awesome. Fabulous. Everything I imagined it would be and even more. My heart still feels heavy. Unlike Part 1, the 2nd part's journey from start till the final battle was fast-paced and amazing. It's so wonderful the watch the book comes to life. My personal thought - the last 2 movies tried to follow the book quite closely compared to the other movies.

My favourite? When McGonagall casted the spell to get the statues to protect the castle. And when the Order together casted spells and created the protective dome. I think that moment showed the true spirit of belonging and I was so sure everyone watching felt like they too are casting spells to protect "our" beloved school.

I, however, found the part when Harry delved into Snape's memory - when Dumbledore repeated twice why Harry must die a bit too much. Yes, I read the book twice to really understand why he must die and who took whose wand and which wand is loyal to which person and when one wand got snatched by another person, but telling twice, slowly, was like trying to make those who didn't read the book understand the plot.

The part when Fred died was not really shown - except that he has already died and surrounded by his family. Very good move I think. Because it can be a traumatic scene especially for kids. When I read the book the first time, I actually stopped reading for a few minutes to put myself together - Fred died??? Aliyah would have felt devastated if the scene existed. Fred died in the midst of making a joke (as he always does) with Percy, whom they have just reunited after years. He still had that laughter in his eyes when he fell. That was really sad.

I open at the close... Now that it has ended, it really felt so sad. I must say this made me admire JK Rowling even more - such brilliant story.

Aliyah loved it!

Tomorrow - Harry Potter

2011-07-14T15:59:00.002+08:00

Yeay, it'll be Harry Potter day tomorrow. Morning show. Dah siap beli tiket dah nih. Buku pun dah baca one more round. The last movie tengah tengok again with Aliyah. All in preparation for tomorrow. Why tomorrow? Sebab tiket seat OK ada esok je. Hari-hari lain semua seat duduk mendongak. Adoi... And I'm not going to wait for next week.

You might ask - Friday morning show? Yes, and Aliyah will cut school. Bad, bad parents! So what lah kan. Surely there's something good Aliyah will learn from the movie :).

Kind of sad that it really has ended.

Aliyah Sports Day

2011-07-12T10:39:00.005+08:00

This year we had a good reason to go to Aliyah's school sports day. She participated in her PBSM perbarisan. She looked so cute in her uniform :)

Food for Thoughts

2011-07-08T15:50:00.002+08:00

I read this FB posting by my senior from school. And it really struck me - of how, at times, when the challenge becomes so hard to bear, there is a tendency to feel this way. It's a reminder of the need to persevere, to be strong, and most importantly, after working hard, to pray to Allah swt. At times, yes, I do feel really frustrated, but then, challenges are also blessings. So, I am counting my blessings...

------------->>
Ada dua orang nelayan. Seorang penyembah berhala, seorang lagi muslim yang taat kepada Allah. Ketika menebar jala, nelayan yang menyembah berhala menyebut nama berhalanya, manakala nelayan muslim itu membaca bismillah. Bila tiba masa jala diangkat, nelayan penyembah berhala mendapat banyak ikan, sedangkan nelayan muslim tadi, tidak memperolehi seekorpun.

Malaikat yang melihat keadaan itu bertanya kepada Allah :
" Ya Allah, apakah yang telah berlaku? HambaMu yang menyekutukanMu, Kau berikan dia rezeki yang banyak, sedangkan hambamu yang menyebut namaMu, Kau tidak memberikan dia apa-apa."

Allah menjawab, “ Yang menyekutukanKu, tempatnya memang sudah pasti Neraka. Maka apalah sangat rezeki yang pasti akan hancur itu jika Kuberikan kepadanya? Tetapi hambaKu yang beriman itu, Aku hendak memberi ganjaran syurga, maka Aku suka mengujinya untuk melihat kebenaran imannya”.

Baju Kurung Cotton - Kids

2011-07-04T15:08:00.003+08:00

Since last month our baju kurung cotton for kids have started to get popular again. We have yet to restock for Hari Raya. So, all the baju kurung are now at 50% discount.

Check them out here at our FB page: Baju Kurung Cotton for Kids.

Report Card Day

2011-07-04T10:57:00.002+08:00

It's report card day today. Aliyah got no 13 in her class of 46. Still OK I suppose. And her average marks is still higher than the school's overall average marks for Standard 4. I guess it's the transition year for kids from Tahap 1 going to Tahap 2. So, Aliyah is not the only one struggling with her exam papers - having to answer complicated subjective science questions.

For the first time we didn't go see her class teacher. Malas nak beratur. And we believe Aliyah is OK. And I personally believe that we will get the same remarks from her class teacher - everything OK. I don't think class teachers are so concerned with the "in-between" kids. Unless the child is very naughty, very bright, very talkative or other variations of "very", the rest of the kids are "OK". Why bother.

Holdin On And Letting Go

2011-06-30T17:02:00.003+08:00

I watched the finale of CSI New York 7 last night and the song at the end really struck me. Awesome song...

I googled and found it - Holdin On And Letting Go by Ross Copperman

Is anybody out there?
Is anybody listening?
Does anybody really know?
Is the end of the beginning
The cry a rush a one breath
Is all we waiting for
Sometimes I want my taking
Changes everyone before

[Chorus]
It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go

Sometimes we're holding angels
And we never even know
Don't know if we'll make it, or we know
We just can't let it show

[Chorus]
It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go
Yeah, letting go

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go

[Chorus]
It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go.

Inspirational Kimora

2011-06-28T16:44:00.004+08:00

There's something very fascinating about Kimora Lee Simmons. I'm not a fan but when I chanced upon her show, I can't help but watch it. Putting other irritating stuff about her aside, there's actually a lot you can learn from her. Like normal people she has her ups and downs. Just that she has so much money, her ups and downs don't really affect her lifestyle. Her shrewdness as a businesswoman is admirable. And... she gets what she wants. No matter what.

It's interesting that her employees are actually not that good. Really. They are just normal people. And very last-minute kind of people. But in the end, they did it. If I were to have that bunch as my staff, I would have sacked half of them. Seriously. Who needs that many people who give you heart attack every time they are asked to do something anyway?

But they achieved what they are asked to do - to Kimora's satisfaction - almost everytime. I think it's somewhere between fear of her and also high respect that make them work their magic. Thus confirms my believe - "respect must be earned". Which really is true in my little company. In order to earn the staff's respect, you need to earn it. A certain position in the company doesn't necessarily get you the kind of treatment that you wish for.

Anyway, the episode on her program for Dress for Success was a good one. She was starting out again after being dropped from Baby Phat and the journey of a new beginning was something I can really relate to. Sometimes I think I am a bit like her - a bit crazy with all these ideas. The difference is - she gets to execute all her ideas right there and then; I, on the other hand, can only wish I have the money to execute my ideas. Sigh...

Enjoy Kimora's "words of wisdom" :)

"Anything a guy can do a girl can do better...except being stupid..." (Hahaha... good one!)

"Life is a series of adjustments; You can make changes along the way, but if you don't start moving forward you'll never get anywhere!"

Bottled Up and Released - But to the Wrong Person

2011-06-26T11:02:00.002+08:00

I'm still feeling guilty...

Things have started to get better these days. But still things are tough. I would never give up, I promised myself that but at times it's really tiring. And gosh, work is never ending. One after another. I've been working everyday for the past 3 weeks. No weekend rest. There are always things to finish up, deadlines to catch. Opportunities are there but as of now, they are not certain. But I can't just give up because of the uncertainty, can I? What if the uncertainty become certain? That's why I keep on working because if I stop, things might get worst. I'd rather work than sitting at home staring at the idiot box.

With all these bottled up, I knew it's just a matter of time before I snapped. I've been patient in swimming through all these debris of life, calming my heart, accepting the hardships... But as a parent, the easiest way to release the stress of life is by snapping at your kid. I know that's the worst thing that a parent can do, but I am guilty of that today.

It was just a small thing. But I have apologized. With my words, my big huge hug, and my tears. And with a big plate of roti telur Hj Tapah. And with rm20 to her Abg Ijam to take her to Secret Recipe for blueberry cheese cake.

So, here I am. Alone at the office. Working my ass off regardless of what day of the week it is. Feeling sorry for what I've said. Hoping my daughter is having fun with her Mak Long, Abg Ijam and Kak Zura. Today, she's better off with them than with me.

Abah's & Mommy's "Profile"

2011-06-23T13:05:00.003+08:00

Aliyah brought back two yellow papers written with reasons why she loves us. Apparently, it was an activity by a replacement teacher. So cute :)

Why she loves mommy...
Why she loves abah...
She drew this at the office while waiting for us to finish work. She watched on YouTube on how to draw Blossom of Powerpuff Girls and actually drew this free hand! Very nice...

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T11:15:00.002+08:00

Happy Father's Day to all fathers who exercise and execute their roles and responsibilities to their children and families.

Aliyah and me and my Kak Long went out to Alamanda to buy Father's Day gifts yesterday. A batik shirt for my father, and us - a cycling shorts for Hubby.

Last night, we went for dinner at Baghdad Cafe just near by for Arab food. Such a huge feast. And managed to finish almost everything. Only 3 slices of pizza left for my mother to tapau back. Very good meal.

First Nite Cycling

2011-06-18T18:26:00.003+08:00

I tried my first night cycling yesterday. Aliyah spent the night with her Mak Long at my parents' place, Astro channels suck big time there was nothing worth to watch, so I was really bored. We didn't cycle far, just around Seri Putra. I told Hubby 30mins cycle is good enough. So, off we went at 11pm. Cool night, not many cars. The speedy ride down the hills was so chilly my fingers felt numb. Right after we stopped at mamak Nazeem for coffee.

But it was nice. Now I know why Hubby and gang go for night rides.

We Didn't Get It

2011-06-17T14:05:00.003+08:00

The results were out - we didn't get the east coast project. I, however, didn't feel at least frustrated. Why? Because we were told that we were actually favoured but seemed the budget they have is very low they had to award it to someone else. Know what, with that kind of budget, who ever's doing it would be doing it at a loss. Especially since there are hardwares as well. And content translation work. And video streaming. I believe Allah swt knows best.

The project owner said she is so worried about the project - whether it can be done with that small budget. I pity her. However, not all is lost. They will come for our training next month and maybe there will be in-house training as well. Alhamdulillah...

Now, I'm doing this RFP for this financial institution along with our CMS partner - MDA. Just as I thought I would be spending this weekend doing nothing - ie as how weekends should be spent, looks like I'll be working after all. Tak apa lah... insyallah, if ada rezeki kat situ pulak...

Cycling with a Thought

2011-06-15T15:47:00.003+08:00

I cycled to work today. It's been such a long time because there were always excuses - had to fetch Aliyah, etc. Since Hubby is out to KL till Thursday, I had to cycle. Not that I'm complaining. I am proud to announce that for the first time, I did not stop - managed to cycle up and down the hills in the correct gears - and clocked 16mins. Last time was 20mins.

Anyway, cycling alone gives so much time to think about lots of things. As I climbed up and down the hills (with curses in between) I got these reflections and inspirations. So, my words of wisdom today: "being an entrepreneur is a lot like cycling". There are flat roads where you can change to gear 3/8 and speed, there are hills where you might need to go from 2/5 to even 1/3. And the climb? As you cycle to the mark at the top, you have mixed feelings of wanting to just pull over and this determination to conquer that mark. And when you have reached it, and speedily cycle down the hill trying to catch some breath, the victory may not last long. Depending on the route, there are more uphills to cycle or if you are lucky, you get flat roads and lalalala away.

Then, there are potholes and the likes you need to be careful of. Then, there are cars, lorries, buses and motorbikes, even pedestrians to be aware of. Cycling is a lot of work! So is being an entrepreneur. After reaching the office, I huffed and puffed carrying the bicycle up the 2 stories to the office, thinking why on earth did I do this if I can just call my father and ask him to send me to work. I would be lying if I say, oh, the reward is the good feeling you feel right after. Because nothing is good if you grasp for breath, gulp down water and feel an ache coming up your thighs.

But knowing that you conquered the obstacles is an accomplishment. Pushing yourself to the limits does feel good. Why don't you don your helmet and go for a ride?

There Are Bigger Issues in Life

2011-06-14T12:13:00.002+08:00

Aliyah got a few of her exam results yesterday. As I have expected, her results were average - ranging from 78-68. She even got one C. I think she was a bit afraid to show us. After Hubby ran through her papers, she took her bicycle to go to her Pak Ngah's house. We sat at the patio watching her, and I saw this look on her face. She looked at us, I believe, with a bit a sadness or regret before she cycled away. Or perhaps she felt that way because she was surprised that we simply accepted her results as they are.

We didn't have much time to spare to really guide her before her exams. There were too much work to do, especially with me having that situation. She basically studied on her own. And not much. Between Hubby and me, we always would pledge that we will help her more, but then we always don't follow through. It is quite difficult nowadays.

For me personally, I think after all that I've been through, my daughter's average results is the least of my concerns. She's after all our only child. I just want her to enjoy her childhood. She can play, watch TV, read a little, study a little... That's what kids do. There are bigger issues in life to deal with. And having a sweet little girl as my daughter is one of the best things in my life.

I just hope we as parents don't succumb to "parents pressure".

School Hols Almost Over

2011-06-11T12:16:00.002+08:00

Already? Time flies so fast. Aliyah has been spending her days at our office daily. Really pity her. She understands our situation, but still I feel so bad. One consolation was last Thursday when we spent the day at her Mak Long's place in KJ because Hubby had to go to Kerteh for day trip. While I struggled to finish up a translation job, she played with Harith who was around. Good thing I managed to finish the work at the deadline - on the dot - and then took the bunch to Giant Mall for lunch and play at the playground. Itu pun Aliyah said she had so much fun already.

She really is a sweet little girl.

A Rojak of Updates

2011-06-06T14:16:00.002+08:00

Things around were not so good last week that I didn't have the mood to write.

On a sad note - my Pak Long Jalal next door to my parents passed away last Friday afternoon. He has not been so well but was better these few weeks that he moved back to his own house. I have not seen him much lately actually. Well, I have not been visiting my parents for weeks until just recently. I will always remember him as a funny person in a funny sort of way. Not the "funny" funny, but "funny" you expect from an old relative. The person you would roll down your side window when you pass him by - just to say Hello and receive some pleasantries. The person you jokingly ask for money from whom would show his empty pockets and ask some back from you. That simple kind of funny. Now his house will be empty. No more seeing him sweeping the lawn or just taking a walk around or stopping by the house for a chat. Al-Fatihah.

One of my staff's mother is also not well. All of us are in shock. We pray for her recovery.

Finally, we just got to know that the funding we have been trying to get since end December has been approved. Not officially yet (because the officer was on leave - again?). Alhamdulillah... six months of waiting. And it's not a grant OK, it's a loan. What are these people doing actually? I seriously doubt they know what's going on at Ground Zero. Nowadays, whenever I read of Government initiatives to help SMEs, I would roll my eyes and said - yeah, right! A small loan takes 6 months to process while the people handling the funds take their own sweet time passing the forms from one person to another, requesting for documents that are already in the file (if they bother to look), taking numerous leaves (MCs and ELs) and God knows what else. So, tak payah la cakap banyak pasal nak tolong SMEs...

Kung Fu Panda 2 Awesomeness

2011-06-01T17:26:00.003+08:00

It's a good day today. Better than the previous days. I got this assurance that no evilness can touch my company. Even though sleep is still difficult, it's celebration time. So, as we promised our little girl, it's Kung Fu Panda 2 day!

We also declared it's Aliyah Maisarah's day, so she choose what she wish to do from 10am to 3pm. Right after, Mommy and Abah need to go to the office. So, after breakfast, we went to Alamanda. I was not sure whether we can get tickets or not actually. The queue was long, and with a throbbing headache, I was secretly praying we go another day. But it's Aliyah's day after all, so she got her wishes. I was so surprised we got tickets with good seats. Apparently, people were queuing for Pirates. The movie? Awesome! My only comment - go watch! Despite my headache, I could still appreciate the beautiful animation.

As usual, I always get inspiration from such movies. This time - the conversation between Lord Shen and Po...

Lord Shen: How did you find peace? I took away your parents, everything, I scarred you for life.

Po: See that’s the thing Shen, scars heal,

Lord Shen: No they don’t… wounds heal.

Panda: Oh yah… what do scars do? They fade I guess.

Lord Shen: I don’t care what scars do…

Panda: You should Shen. You got to let go of the stuff from past – because it just doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what you choose to be now.

Awesome advice...

What to Do this School Hols?

2011-05-31T12:19:00.003+08:00

Aliyah, as usual, has been following us to the office since the school holidays start. I really feel bad for her. We have tonnes of work to do and all she does all day is to use our handphones to watch Winx Club and draw. She refused to stay with my Kak Lang - which is actually a better place for the girl to spend the day compared to the office. As a sweet little girl, she always says she doesn't mind us not entertaining her... Baik sangat la anak aku ni!

I'm trying to clear up some works so that I can take her to catch a movie. Kung Fu Panda perhaps...

Turn Away in Peace...

2011-05-30T16:01:00.003+08:00

I commented on Enida's posting about how to be insensitive. As always, this friend of mine has beautiful words to sooth the feelings:

"God knows people like us are capable of finding happiness somewhere else. When one door is closed on us, He knows we are sensitive enough to find other doors. We don't stay yelling, kicking and screaming at the closed door. We are nice that way. We turn away in peace..."

I felt a teeny weeny bit better :)

Whatever...

2011-05-30T11:52:00.002+08:00

Whatever that I have said that might make someone angry, it is for the sake of the company. I never think about myself. To me, Allah swt knows best - my intentions, my thoughts, etc. I have always been a nice person. So, if I actually did make someone angry, then, there must be a good reason for it.

- Management Decision

2011-05-27T22:47:00.003+08:00

One of the essential skills of an entrepreneur is to trust one's own judgement. Or what I always call "gut feeling". I made a big management mistake and now living the consequences. I was so determined to move forward, to bring the company to a higher level, that I actually ignored my gut feelings. Whatever uneasiness I felt in my guts, I ignored. All because I thought that it was the phase that we need to go through - new culture, new ideas, etc.

I should've listened to this thing that I have trusted for years - my gut feeling. And I should've listened to the uneasiness of some of my people. I waved it off as petty because I badly wanted a fresh start for everybody, at this new office. It started as petty and small but it slowly grew and in the end, it felt like a thorn stuck to my thumb. And worse, one that I couldn't prick off.

On the positive side, this is a lesson well learned. But with a high price to pay. It made me realise this thing in me that I have always held true - that trust is best reserved for people whom you really really know. Not for people you thought you know.

We are slowly and surely moving forward. Insyaallah.

Am I an Entrepreneur?

2011-05-26T11:25:00.002+08:00

At times I really think I can't go on anymore. This challenge we are facing is really taking me down. This morning I don't feel like getting up. If only I can just close my eyes and sleep and pretend that all these are not happening. But of course what good would that be? I can't give up just because one person is giving me a hard time.

And good thing about Facebook is that - there are times you can find some good stuff amongst the rubbish. And my ex-boss shared an article this morning - whether or not one really is an entrepreneur. Guess what - out of the seven indications, I actually "comply" with all seven.

And the one that struck me the most was no 7: "Finally--you love it. Simply stated, if you are really excited about the challenges each day presents, you just might be an entrepreneur. The terrain might not be easy to trek, but for an entrepreneur it’s incredibly satisfying and fun to take on each new challenge."

Yes, things are tough, always. But what's life without challenges, right? Now, let's keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

Will See...

2011-05-25T16:26:00.002+08:00

How was the presentation? I really can't say... Looks good, not really... 50-50... Seriously, I have no idea. Gut feeling? Nothing. It was a panel consisting of technical people whose main concern was scrutinizing the server specifications. So, I believe the prototype was irrelevant. But one thing I am sure of is that, insyaallah, God willing, if ada rezeki, a portion of the project can be ours due to our previous work done with them. My little consolidation. Hopefully.

But the trip was awful. I was down with flu and fever. The weather was so hot. Semua tu cabaran...

All Set... Hopefully...

2011-05-21T17:06:00.003+08:00

All is set for Monday. Slides done. Prototype done. Partners have been informed and will be on standby.

Really hope we will be able to give a good presentation and get the project. And really hope I'll be well very soon. Suddenly having this fever and flu. Gosh, at times felt I can't go on anymore... Perhaps my body and mind found this connection and decided to shut down. After my short vacation things felt so difficult. I spent the next few days sleeping (actually just keeping my eyes shut) after Aliyah went off to school and went to work late. Keep on praying God help me.

Mimi & Boboi

2011-05-20T12:47:00.004+08:00

I have not written much about the cats in the house. Reason being - after some time, I still can't really get "connected" with these 2 cats. It's very different from Bubu and Kiki previously. With them, I just can't wait to see them. But these 2 cats live in their own world. Very nice and well-behaved cats, no doubt about it, and I do like them very much but I just don't feel connected. Maybe I just miss Kiki so much and his loss really affected me. I still have his small teddy bear at my bed-side table :(

Aliyah loves them very much. Very naughty cats. Boboi likes to bring in leaves from outside. While Mimi never leaves our rugs in proper place.

On the Sungkai Trip

2011-05-18T11:59:00.006+08:00

We came back yesterday after a very relaxing mini vacation. It was so good to soak in the hot spring, then in the cold mountain spring, and then back in the hot water again. That's what we did all day. Not many people around, so it was great, not to mention clean! I woke up this morning with bodyache. Must be the "water massage" at the mountain spring.

I think Yatt has a very rejuvenating break. She took morning and evening walks around the hotel and in the park. I told her it was the closest to Bali we can get here in terms of affordability, the view, and the service, and she quite agree. But the person who enjoyed it most was Aliyah. She even made a new friend - also named Alia. Very nice and cute girl.

Breakfast at Cemara Lounge. The coffee house nearby was under renovation. Very nice place near the villas. This time around, the food was OK. The chef was in the house :).

Another Sungkai Trip

2011-05-16T00:12:00.004+08:00

As I was writing this, I was thinking - what on earth am I doing in front of this laptop during my vacation? Know what, the only way I can really take a vacation is if I leave my laptop at home. But I really can't. Not yet. Maybe one fine day if I go to Bali again, I might!

I just finished doing proof-reading for this translation work. Itupun one file only - 5 pages. I don't know whether I will or have the energy or the mood to continue with the rest come morning. With Aliyah around in this little trip, it's quite a difficult feat.

So, we are here - Yatt, me and Aliyah. We reached this resort at around 1pm, checked in - not many people around - and rested. Then at 3pm we went to the hot springs and the mountain pool. It rained quite heavily at first, but then we intended to get wet anyway, so, what the heck! Aliyah looked at me with big round eyes when I said - you can play in the rain!

I hope for a relaxing day come morning. Feeling quite tired. This vacation mode has started to kick in. Like Yatt said to Aliyah - "walk slower, we are on vacation!". Maybe I should shut down my system and just lie back.

So, a note to Hubby:
Yang, saya tak sempat (*tak de mood, malas, penat, tak de energy, wifi slow, tangan lenguh*) la nak proof-read the texts... Awak je la habiskan ye... With lots of love from us :)

Going for a Short Break

2011-05-14T11:39:00.002+08:00

My good friend Yatt macam tau2 je I'm in very stressful mode at the moment. She called last week to get together for a short break before she starts her new job at the heart of the city. Good for her. With nice job title too :)

I suggested Sungkai Hot Springs - a place I know can rejuvenate the body. Dipping in the hot water can do wonders. So, we'll be going tomorrow - a girls' getaway - along with Aliyah. Only the three of us. And Aliyah will cut school for one day. She will bring along her books because right after Wesak holiday she will start her exams.

Hope for a nice short holiday. But I still think it will never be a real holiday. We just received letter of us being shortlisted for that east coast sebutharga, so have to prepare prototype and presentation slides. I believe Hubby will work on it while I take my short break.

And Alhamdulillah things have started moving quite in a fast pace now. Yesterday we got a few leads to do translation work, one of it was finalised in just a few hours. The other two are also very positive and might be very soon. Thinking back, it is a blessing in disguise - this situation I'm currently facing. Maybe this challenges we are currently facing are God's signs for me that the decision made earlier was not to materialise. And that with the person's departure, things have started moving.

I believe it was the clash of working culture. I am so used of working with people from my previous company who are very committed and vigilant (wonder if I'm using the correct word!), that at first I welcomed the culture of someone who's used to working in big Govt-funded company. But then, after some time, things don't really work out well. It's just not how I wish for the company to move. I did feel disappointed, like I am the one who caused the departure, thus the reason why I was so down for weeks. I'm really not good at handling stuff like this.

Things happen for a reason. And I believe it is for the best. And I'm so glad I have understanding people around me in this company. Even Linda said - see good things are happening, don't feel so bad about what happened.

+Positive Thoughts+

2011-05-10T17:50:00.003+08:00

A good night's sleep is scarce these days. I wake up with headaches. It just kills me that I don't have any other solution other than waiting. I have used up all available resources. For the first time in many many years, I am stuck.

At times like this I am grateful that I have the other half who shares this burden. No, it actually is not a burden. It's a gift that not many are able to carry but the very few. And I am proud to say that I have carried this through for 5 years now. It's just that this is a difficult period. I call it the transition period. Of difficulties and challenges before good things are to happen. I'm putting positive thoughts here. And I pray Allah help us through. For the sake of these bunch of excellent people we have under our wings.

What I look forward these days? Our morning breakfast session of roti telur and teh ais. Where we both talk and discuss. Of many things that come to mind. Of the company, of opportunities, of Aliyah... Small things matter.

Mother's Day Baking Session

2011-05-09T11:28:00.003+08:00

It was a very quiet Mother's Day celebration. I even forgot it's Mother's Day. I think mainly because my Kak Long is not around - she's in Bandung on holiday. And I also have not visited my mother for 2 weeks now. Something happened and I really don't feel like going to the house. I know it's not a nice thing to do, but until this family moves out from there, I'd rather not go.

Hubby and Aliyah bought me this cycling pants as gift. I have yet to cycle in it. The weather is so very hot nowadays going out of the house will only give me headache. I would rather stay in-doors. Really miss the cycling sessions.

Yesterday, Aliyah and me did some baking. Aliyah was so excited to bake scones. I cut out the recipe from Australian Women's Weekly magazine, paste it in her recipe book, and the picture looked so yummy. So, she made scones (Aliyah did everything while I supervised) while I made apple pie from this big bag of apples which nobody bothered to eat in the fridge.

The result: the scones turned out quite nice despite the top being too brown. While still hot, I cut them open and put slabs of butter and honey. Would have been a very English tea for us if only we have strawberry jams. My apple pie - quite nice too. Need more dash of cinnamon.

The outcome of our mother-daughter baking session. By end of the day, my tongue tasted of flour / dough!

Roasted Chicken Sandwich

2011-05-06T13:11:00.005+08:00

This meal is the new favourite in my home - roasted chicken sandwich with sauteed mushrooms and grilled aubergine. By popular request, I've been making this at least twice a week and Hubby and Aliyah do not seem to get bored. Very healthy meal. Delicious I must say! So far we ate either with plain bread or croissants. I believe pita bread or tortilla might be good too.

Quarter chicken roasted with fresh rosemary (from my herb garden) and garlic - all stuffed under the skin. Season with salt and blackpepper and pour a little olive oil. At times I don't bother to wait for the chicken to thaw - no time after coming back from work. Because can just pre-heat the oven to maximum, then put in the chicken and lower the temperature to 160C and slow cook it for 50mins. Then, shred the chicken into small pieces, mash the garlic into the meat.
The leftover olive oil and chicken fat in the pan is then heated on the stove. Full of flavour - of garlic and rosemary and the chicken. Put chopped garlic into the pan and then oyster mushrooms. Then put dried thyme and parsley flakes. Reduce the liquid till quite dry.
Cut the aubergine to thin slices, season with salt, pepper and olive oil. Then simply grill.

Recipe Book Updates

2011-05-05T14:17:00.004+08:00

I have started updating Aliyah's recipe book. Junior Masterchef has really sparked her interest in cooking. In fact, last weekend we made Egg Tarts. It was a recipe given by my Kak Lang years ago called Pai Susu. But I improvised - made the pastry smaller and baked in the small cupcake containers. In the end, it actually tasted like Portugese Egg Tarts - and looked almost the same - with the burnt dark brown caramel on top. Fantastic! Next time to add a little bit more sugar. Forgot to take pictures.Have put more recipes - if I write them down, I would write on small coloured papers and paste them. My handwriting is very unpredictable nowadays.

Touch & Go at Kuantan

2011-05-04T15:30:00.004+08:00

We went for a touch & go trip to Kuantan yesterday to submit the sebutharga we are participating. We spent the weekend preparing the documents. So, it was no Labour Day holiday for us. Very interesting project. I pray we get it. Something we have not done before - in the sense of its scale and expected visitor traffic. We are more than capable of doing this, just need the opportunity. Mesti doa banyak2. Tolong doa kan ye :)

The journey started right after sending Aliyah off at school. Half-way through, we stopped at Temerloh, as usual, for breakfast. The day was a bit rainy. It was cool and misty. Beautiful day for a long drive. It was good that Hubby was with me this time around. My bad knee has been giving problem for days. I only drove about an hour while he slept after breakfast. It was a good trip, no glitches, no problems. I pray for our rezeki there.

Beautiful cool and misty morning near Genting...

Our Very First Training at New Office

2011-04-28T13:39:00.005+08:00

Today in history - we conducted our very first training at this new office. It's Hubby's topic today. We actually received only 3 participants. But enough for the training to go on. If buat kat hotel, memang I cancel. Tak balik modal langsung. Our 2 staff joined as well. Akak? Even though the topic is very interesting - web risk management - I can't afford to sit the whole day for the class. I got this sebutharga to finish up to submit early next week.

So far no fumbles. Food abundance and cheap - from gerai Pakcik Nasi Lemak downstairs. Having conducted lots of trainings at hotels previously, we have learned quite a lot. So, everything that needs to be there - is there.

Everybody is downstairs having lunch at Sham Sup Utara.
Free flow of coffee and tea. Took this idea from MPC - sediakan air panas and mugs. Anytime wanna drink can always go to the back and prepare sendiri 3-in 1 coffee or tea. Very cost-saving - tak payah buat 2-3 jenis air utk different tekak.

8 Hours Driving

2011-04-26T22:28:00.004+08:00

I just came back from a day trip to Kuantan. For a sebutharga briefing. I went alone. And drove 8 hours to and fro in our little Viva. My right knee is killing me. So is my back.

It's been quite some time since my last visit to Kuantan so the trip really was tiring. The Latio would have taken less time and offer much more comfort for my back and bum. At one point I actually thought - wish I had the Latio now! I spent the hours talking to myself, singing my off-beat tunes and most of the time thinking and reflecting. There's so much stuff to think about. Most importantly - what I should do for this situation I'm currently facing.

In the end, I still couldn't find the answer. And I still don't know what to do. The songs I listened to didn't help much. The whole point of listening to the bunch of them is to get that feelings back. But they just gave me sore throat. I don't know whether this is a sign. That perhaps it really is over?

I stopped at Temerloh and had this nasi lemak. The nasi lemak tasted exactly the same as our last trip. I sat alone eating and watching people. Saw these 2 guys talking a few tables away and I bet with myself that they are going to the same briefing. And yes - I did see them again at the briefing. I am so good at this!

Used to catch sunsets... I caught this at around 6pm. Not really sunset, it was going to rain so it was dark. I asked aloud - what's this big deal with sunsets? But that's what we used to do. Drive, talk, and catch sunsets...